Actually I did it all by accident. I forgot I’d put those pants in the laundry bin instead of beside it, so I was a little taken aback when I realized what I had done. But it was a great accidental erp.
I did realize that maybe, just maybe if I become accustomed to doing this and not feeling totally dirty, I might be able to do the laundry and just wash my hands and feel I am clean- without showering afterwards. Even 2 weeks ago I would have thought that an impossibility for me. Just thinking about it gave me the creeps. Now, I can entertain the thought. And that is the first step to actually doing it.
Did think tho about what Ann wrote to me on my blog- that she doesn’t worry about mildew, so I used that to calm me down a bit. That worked til i got home.
Mon dec. 5 I’m sitting here after I just finished mopping the kitchen floor. Waiting for dread to start? So far so good. I only (ONLY?!) washed my hands 4 times. Once after sweeping, once after bringing the pail upstairs, once after I put everything downstairs and threw the water out, and the last time after I wiped up the water spills from throwing out the water. I also banged my elbow and back on furniture and it didn’t feel like those things were now contaminated (because doing a dirty job means everything I touch accidently is also contaminated) so that was good.
Showered after laundry: 15 min. So far so good. Suzanne wants me to write a thought sheet about cleaning the mildew from around the tub. Cant I just take another pill and be comfortable with it? Maybe 2 or 3… long time ago in a past life I used to be able to clean tiles and it didn’t bother me. even bleached them every so often.
I looked at the tiles in the shower and there doesn’t seem to be that many tiles there. Up til today I’d swear the tub surround was 20 feet long and 10 feet wide. A 3 or more hour job. Today it looked like a half hour or less. How hard can it be? And then I’d be free of 1 more contamination point in the house. Cause afterwards I’d keep it up instead of being afraid of it like in the past 2 years.
Here I go, back into the torture chamber. My Christmas present to me.