My homework this week is to go to Value Village 2 times.   I have put it off. Then a couple of nights ago i tried to get my daughter to eat a piece of mac and cheese ( she's a VERY picky eater. )  and if she did i'd go to v.v. and see if the toy she wanted was still there.  She did (and hated it and spit it out) and so now i had to keep my end of the bargain.

But first make that thot record on paper, not just in my head.

Situation: go to used clothes store.
Moods:  anxiety & dread- 120+ %
Automatic thots:  The stuff in the store is dirty.  It could have come from old people's homes who died/ went to nursing homes and by this time had mice, mold and other gross critters in their houses.
What does this mean for my future: I will have to buy only new stuff unless i know the person it came from.  Can't roam around in used book stores anymore. 
What am i afraid might happen: My house will get contaminated by the 'what-if's'.
What is the worst thing that could happen if above is true:  I would have to clean my house top to bottom.
What does this mean about people in general: they like mice.
What images or memories do i have in this situation: Cleaning out my inlaw's house and garage.  When we got to the garage to clean up dh's grandma's stuff that was stored there, mice had gotten into it. ( I kept some christmas ornaments that dh remembered from his childhood but even after cleaning them i have a hard time putting them out.  Some years they get used; others they don't.)  I was afraid to go back to the basement after that in case there were droppings there i hadn't noticed before.  I refused to clean up anymore of the house.
Evidence that supports the hot thot:  The store has a funny smell. 
Evidence that does NOT support the hot thot:  They wash the clothes first ( i hope).  Most people get rid of toys etc. as their kids get older or they don't want stuff anymore.  Ditto for the adults too.  I USED to shop there (in a different city).
Alternative/ Balanced thots:  I plan on washing the toys/ clothes later before DD plays with them.  DD will be happy.
Rate moods now: 35%- but i'm not in front of the store yet.

( NB i added a couple of things to it as i was copying it down )

So i put on a baggy sweat shirt that was easier to wash than a coat.  It also had a big pocket in the front to hold my credit card so as not to get my purse 'dirty' and a large cloth bag to put the stuff in (so as not to get the car 'dirty'.  I was prepared.

No couch in the entrance way.  So far so good.  I went to the toy section and looked them over.  No My Little Pony stuff there today.  At least not that i could SEE.  I'd have to touch the bags to find stuff behind the first bags.  Ug, but ok. The bags should be clean, right?  Still nothing.  i guess it was sold already.  i find a purple shirt dd would like and pick that up too.

 Then i look at the books.  Origionally i had decided NOT to do that in case they were old and moldy, but i figured the children's books should be alright.  I found some that dd likes to listen to and picked them up too.  Then i went back to the toy section and found some little doggie stuff she'd love to have.  i cashed out, but had to open my wallet to get another credit card, but didn't worry about it there.  Put the stuff in my big shopping bag and put it all in the trunk.

  Went home.  Took off sweatshirt, washed hands.  Did NOT wash car , or front door handle. Didn't feel THAT dirty. However, i put a blanket on my pants before putting my computer on my lap- just in case.  After dd went to bed we put the toys in the sink with dish detergent to soak over night, dh wiped the books off with windex and i put the shirt and bag in the basement laundry.  We washed up (him, his hands, me up to my elbows, i put all my clothes in the laundry and got ready for bed. 

Better turn-out than last time.  Still not sure whether to call the store clean or not so i didn't schedule any other errands for on the way home, and i kept debating about whether to change my pants and t-shirt too.  Deliberately didn't touch library books the rest of the evening in case i changed my mind and THEY became contaminated.

One more time to go.  this time i'll look for clothes for me to try on -maybe.  And will i change clothes when i get home? 

Thought Records Explained & Example

I've been trying to figure out why i cant post a comment on anyone else's blog, even tho i have a google account.  I even have it set to always stay signed in.  I can comment on Wyvern's peak blog and she can comment on mine.  So strange.  I'm guessing i'm doing/ not doing something simple that once i figure out will seem so simple i'll wonder how i missed it.

As for ocd. The wallet someone found at the canoe club or just outside it is safely sitting in my coat pocket.  I feel like i will contaminate my world if i touch it without washing afterwards.  i know i can solve the problem quickly by getting a cloth and some vinegar and wiping it clean.  But i don't want to do that.  So for now it is in limbo.  Unless i'm stopped by a police officer who probably doesn't want to hear about how i cant' touch my wallet to get my liscence out and if he will just reach into my coat pocket....  Yeah, like that will go over well.

So i will try something that worked last time i had a mouse/ocd problem.  Mice are the BIG issue for me.  I  can create a mouse story out of just about anything if the 'what-if's get going.  And then what used to be no problem becomes one.  I was listening on a website - i think on cult recognition- and the psychologist altho talking about cults mentioned something very interesting.  That he not only tries to get his patients to think of the issue to acclimatize their brain to it, but he also has them think about how great it will be to be able to DO what you cant do now.  For example i think of touching the wallet.  I get bad feelings.  Then i also think about how great it will be to go canoeing all summer ( i can't afford to buy the canoe and all the stuff that goes with it, so canoe club is my only option, or renting from someone else who could have the same issues anyway)  So i will think about canoeing on the lake and watching the wildlife- birds, fish etc. and the peacefulness of canoeing.  Last time it took me 2 weeks of thinking before i actually DID the thing (touch the mailbox).  the next time i did it for something else, i started the thinking process but then decided that since i was going to TOUCH the thing anyway at the end, i could avoid lots of suffering thru all my thots first and get it over with.  And i actually did it!  We will see how long it takes before i touch the wallet this time ( wallet and canoeing have the same issues.  i guess i could imagine taking my wallet out and shopping with it, but i'm thinking the canoe thots will be more positivly powerful for me.  Or maybe i'll do both.  Will report on it as soon as i touch the wallet!

Sometimes the thot record works for me.  Mouse issues are extremelly difficult, so even tho i have solved the problem intellectually, emotionally it's still there. hence part two.

Thot records:  A Cognitive behavior therapy (CBT) tool looks like this:

From Mind over Mood by Dennis Greenberger & C. Padesky   c1995:

Write the situation down.
Describe your mood with percent intensity
What are your automatic thots?- what am i afraid of, what's the worst that can happen etc.
Evidence supporting the thot
Evidence against the thot
Alternative or balanced thots
How is my mood now:

So for me: situation: see above.  Mood: anxious, worried,  90%,
 auto thots:  there are mice in the building, i will contaminate all my stuff if i touch the canoes or use them,  i'm ok ocd -wise, why create a potential problem?  if i ask if they have a mouse problem they will lie and say no even if they do,  i will have a big mess to clean up if i'm right.
evidence for:  the building is unocuupied a lot, so mice might be able to get in., the canoes are stored in an outside area, so even bigger mice opportunities.,
evidence against:  the boats are stored upside down, any mice droppings will fall out, mice will eat the equipment so they'd have to solve the problem or all their equipment will be ruined (Counsellor helped me see this point),  at least the problem isnt RATS :) so ignore it,  
alternative balance thots:  not all mice carry disease, or germs.  country mice are probably healthy mice. 
Mood now:  30%

It is spelled out in more detail in the workbook: Mind Over Mood.