Sunday, February 10, 2013

Just 1 Step Away From Falling Down the Rabbit Hole

That 's what my husband seems to think.  Or maybe he's like me... just waiting for something to go 'dread'-fully wrong.  I wonder if I'll wake up one day and realize that I've been letting OCD creep back into my life one little decision at a time.

Friday I was cold and so was wearing this fluffy robe over my clothes.  I was picking up some paper garbage to put in the garbage can and just laid them on the kitchen table instead.  Later, I added a banana peel and something else to this little pile.  I forgot about it until Bruce came home and he put it in the garbage for me.  I apologized for leaving it there and he made some comment about how I have a problem using a garbage can!

Yes, I DID, once, long long ago, over a year ago, have this problem. Three or 4 years ago I refused to put anything in a garbage can, just leaving it in piles on the table for Bruce to do it.  I believed that dropping something into a garbage can would send contaminated air back up to hit me.  I could use open ones where I would stand back and just toss something in it.  After awhile I could put stuff in the garbage can but then have to wash my hands right afterwards.  Then, I worked on that problem.  It is not a problem anyore.  see:

Back to Friday.  I was just being lazy and didn't want to have my robe touch the garbage can.  It was clean garbage I left on the table.  So the first thing that jumps into his head is how things were 4 years ago.  Thanks!

Will I always be just one step from full-blown OCD?  I hope i can be lazy once in a while and not have this mean I am going backwards, or am i kidding myself?  Vigilence 24/7  for the rest of my life sounds like a prison sentence. 

I   read a quote today on Lolly's blog: Lolly's hope.  It says: 

Stop being afraid of what could go wrong,
and focus on what could go right! 


I needed that today!  Thanks Lolly! 

Last week was a busy week.  I am finished with my anxiety group (this could be where some of my concern is coming from as now I have no 'professional' help if I need it. ) and am in a healthy living program.  I found out that this is a 3 days a week commitment for 4 months to go 2ce a week to the exercise class at the local pool and once a week to a fitness class.  They are monitoring all sorts of stuff from  my weight to how many push-ups i can do in a row (easy- 0 ).  From a once a week meeting to 3 exercise classes a week that tire me out is a very big change in routine. I keep telling myself that last week was the first week and I will get used to it one day at a time.