Monday, May 30, 2011

Hi! I'm Karin and i have various ocd-forms invading my brain.

Until i started googling 'bloggers with ocd', i only found forums where it seemed that people were bemoaning the fact that they have ocd (i could sympathise with that no problem) but it didn't look like anyone had any HOPE that they could live a completely or fairly completely ocd-free life.  So, i thot i'd blog to share my journey.  That's when i found ocd bloggers and also that they are generally a positive group of people. That was a pleasant surprise. I wish i had thot of looking for other bloggers much earlier when i was looking for a support system of sorts, or at least a 'there's hope out there' from real people not just therapists.  Better late than never, tho. eh. 

One other thing i noticed while reading the blogs was that i'm not the only one who thinks of ocd as it's own entity wreaking havoc in my brain.  I just thot it was MY funny way of not embracing and making ocd part of my permanent identity.  Now i'm glad to see that it's NOT just me doing that. :)

 This past weekend we looked into joining a canoe club for fun and some exercise.  It all seemed like fun until i was back in the car.  Then the what-ifs started:  what if there are mice in the building ( it's in a park...)
what if i pay my fee and then can't get in the canoe or life jacket because i think it's dirty (because it's used by lots of others).  Maybe  i should just  not bother with it this year. There's always NEXT year.  And so when i was discussing this little mouse problem with my counsellor today she said i should do a 'thot record' like i did before.  So i did one verbally: the canoes are upside down, so mouse droppings would just fall out, it LOOKED like there was nothing like that in the building.  Then H. suggested:  i'd see the holes in the life jackets etc. And then they'd be unusable."  So i piped in with: ' and then they'd HAVE to get rid of the mice or everything would be ruined and unusable. And that would not work.  So it HAS to be mouse free.:)"  She also said it would be a good idea to get out into the public doing something.  So do i ' feel the fear and do it anyway' or wimp out? 

Well, now, since i put it that way, what else can i say but yes.....The course doesn't start til july, so i have a lot of time to ruminate..or not.  We'll see how it goes.