I just got this in my bookbub email.
Rose Cartwright has OCD, but not as you know it. Pure is the true story of her ten-year struggle with ‘Pure O’, a little-known form of the condition, which causes her to experience intrusive sexual thoughts of shocking intensity. It is a brave and frequently hilarious account of a woman who refused to give up, despite being undermined at every turn by her obsessions and enduring years of misdiagnosis and failed therapies.
Eventually, the love of family and friends, and Rose’s own courage and sense of humour prevailed, inspiring this deeply felt and beautifully written memoir. At its core is a lesson for all of us: when it comes to being happy with who we are, there are no neat conclusions.
I haven't read it yet, but i am so excited to. I've never read a book about Pure O, and that's what i had after my first baby was born way back in 1990. I had no idea why i had such awful thots running thru my head- mostly they were just mini-thoughts. It would start to come, i would guilt it away and mostly spent time just feeling guilty.
In my late teens, early 20s i also started having 'inappropriate thoughts' as my church called them, about what the adults were doing, you know, when not at church. Not like scenarios in my head, just little oh, yah. snicker. And then i'd see someone's hand over the back of the pew, but in front of me, and i'd think to myself that he could almost touch me, oops bad thot, exit thot, enter guilt. Total time to muck up my self: 06 seconds. And the less you want to think it, the more it 'pops' into my head.
Of course, i'd never tell anyone this. (But you can guess how much sexual info i had besides 'don't do anything until you're married'.) I didn't need or want regular meetings with the minister about my randy thots. Thot they'd go away when i was married. Nope. Finally quit wearing skirts/ dresses unless i was at a really important event. Which caused a stir in my very traditional, very fundamental church. But i was in my 30s by then and didn't care what anyone else thought anymore.
Anyway it's on sale cheap for anyone who is interested in reading about pure o and what it can do to you.
In other news:
I'm still taking my pills. I've noticed that when i cut down, i seem to get more ocd moments. Yesterday was garbage and recycle day. I had to dig the containers out of the snow and then hike up my pants 'cause they were starting to slide. So after i got it all done, i had to put all those clothes into the washer and shower to feel properly clean again. Often this rash behavior can be avoided by a little thought record thinking, but i was already stressed cause i'd fallen on the ice and was scared i'd fall again and just be in more pain. I've brushed my pantlegs against a garbage can or recycle bin before. All it took was a handwash and i'd be ok. i think. I never gave extra thinking a chance. Embarassed by my pants falling and worry that i'd slip on the ice again equals no time to think about whether or not i'm 'contaminated.'
Touching the handles, lids, parts that the garbage/recycle men touch always triggers my ocd. Usu. just a handwash suffices as i generally don't touch anything else. Also i was digging the stuff out of the snow, so lots of touching, pulling, snow from on the bins getting everywhere ( maybe on me????!!) Not my best performance.