I've spent the last 7 months living life based on what I want / need to do. Ocd isn't at the top of my list anymore. It's still there, in the back of my mind and sometimes it comes forward, rears it's accusatory head and waits for my response. Often I just tell it to shut up, sometimes it's quicker to just wash and go and other times I really have to think about things.
For example. I joined a running group. As we were waiting for people to show up, someone commented on how she didn't want to touch a donut given to her by an employee who had also collected money and didn't put on gloves first. She thought that was dirty. I just wondered what the problem was, glad that ocd didn't have a problem with that anymore. I can use money now without thinking about all the places it might have been. Fast forward to our walk. This same person saw some buckets in someone's trash, ran over and emptied out the laundry detergent bottle from the bucket and took the buckets. Now THAT made me sick. OCD just did not appreciate that move. I spent the rest of the walk making sure she didn't touch me. The last 10 min. or so she walked beside me and we talked, but by that time the dread had simmered down. I still didn't want her to touch me. Now I am a bit afraid to go back to the building because I don't know if she touched a door there. I just thot it rather ironic that she has a concern about money being dirty and it just spends most of it's time in wallets or pockets or tills, but has no problem grabbing something from someone's garbage. Go figure.
Yesterday I was walking the dogs and on our way home I saw a dead mouse at the side of the road. Naturally the dog had to put its nose down to smell it and I yanked her away from it. I didn't know if she actually touched the mouse, but washed her snout off with Kleenex covered in vinegar. That was ok, I was pretty calm. Then ocd hit as I was wiping off the door handle and garage door opener that i'd touched with the opposite hand. Which garbage container was ok to put that Kleenex?? Yep, mice still give me the willies. Ocd or not, mice bother me. I'm just gonna have to live with that, I think!
Now for the good stuff! I joined Toastmasters in January and participated in their speak-off-the-cuff section. Actually that's why I decided to join- to learn to speak to people naturally, without having to have it written down, so then I might be able to introduce myself and start a chit-chat conversation with a stranger and not have it be such a traumatic thing. I've also done small roles like: word -of- the -day and joke master. I am also club secretary and transform the minutes into a club newsletter.
Tom has gone back to university so my live-in babysitter is not here anymore. Colm Wilkinson, the famous Phantom in Phantom of the OPera and who played Jean Valjean in Les Miserables is coming to Toronto in Dec. and I AM GOING TO SEE HIM!!!!!!!!!!!!! Do I sound excited or what!! I love looking forward to real life fun instead of my next OCD attack.
My husband and son spent the summer putting new stairs on the front of the house as well as digging for the septic tank ( which was conviently located under the deck and stairs!) and before winter hits we have to get it stained. Painting is something I haven't done since before Katrina was born- baby + OCD = no way am I getting near paint! Now I can do it and I had fun!
I bought my daughter used tap dance shoes last week and OCD really wanted me to spend the extra $70 to get new ones but I resisted. Then it told me to wash them because who knows where they've been- besides on some other little 7 yr old's feet. I kept saying 'no' and today is dance class and I'm ok with not washing the outside of the shoes but I wanted to wash the inside with vinegar- to kill any wart spores or whatever they're called. I don't want to do the work of getting warts off her feet later. So I talked to my husband and he suggested just washing the inside would be ok, but I was concerned that i'd have to do the outside because I was there anyway- and then if something went wrong at the sink I could be hand washing for awhile and I didn't want to risk that.
Solution: pour some vinegar in each shoe and with a rag lift shoe up to spread vinegar. Throw out vinegar container and rag. Wash hands. Done.
So, now was that OCD being sneaky, getting thru the back door and AT LEAST washing the inside of the shoes, or was that a legitimate worry?