I went to my first official Toastmaster's meeting Wed. night. I was a LOT more nervous and anxious than I thot I'd be. After all, I'd been there as a guest 3 or 4 times. I'd even participated at those times and found it not too bad.
But this was 'official'. Now I was one of the group. I don't know why or how I manage to make these things so stressful to me!!! We had to give a one minute speech about 'new' and besides not remembering a word the 3 people ahead of me said (which was awkward as we then had to rate the best topic speakers), I only managed 20 seconds - yes they time it too!
The sane part of me says that now I have a base point from which I can measure my improvements and that as humans the learning curve is not all fun and games. The irrational side is just wondering why I want to do such a thing in the first place! That since I'm only a few years from 50 and am NOT planning to lead any companies or churches, the probablity that someone will come to my house and ask me to give a speech is rather remote! But Karin just can't let it be. She's a twit that for some reason decides to do awful things -and even PAYS people for the privilage of doing these things instead of just enjoying life within the pages of her books.
(See what I have to deal with??!)
They- the writer of the agenda for next meeting wanted me to give my first speech at the next meeting. I managed to volunteer to give the 'word of the day' instead, where rather than making up a speech about my life, I only have to find a really cool word and give the definitions. Something I can handle... except the perfectionist part of me which is already wondering which word would be 'perfect' for the evening. Which word is going to 'wow' them all.
I think this club will be good for me for more than I origionally thot it would!
Now for the topic of the day: ERP
Thot Record that will hopefully calm me down.
Note; Bruce phoned my dad to see when their last mouse episode was and according to Bruce it was a while ago. I felt better for a few minutes. Then the 'reassurance' thing hit. Maybe I should call my dad and hear it again? I didn't want to call myself in case he tells me all sorts of info that will just rev up my already freaked out mind. I figured Bruce could give me the watered- down version- just the facts. I am NOT going to call my dad myself, or Bruce for that matter for reassurance... BUT I REALLY REALLY WANT TO!
Situation: My dad sent me some dvds he made so I can watch them. I think he also wants feedback,
so I can't just throw them away. Also sent me a card which is now on the table under
some pokemon cards and headphones. So I can't touch that stuff either. The disks fell off the couch onto the floor where they have now contaminated a book from a Goodreads giveaway that I am supposed to read and review. At first when I got the package I was OK with it. OCD hit in about 5 min. later, after the stuff was already on the couch and table.
Mood: 96% anxiety and fear
Automatic thots: MICE (what else!) Dad had mentioned they'd had mice in our last phone
conversation, but didn't mention exactly WHEN, so was it a week ago?? What if he
cleaned up the mouse stuff and didn't SHOWER after wards, but ONLY washed his
hands?? Am I contamination my house/ stuff?
Rational thots: I guess washing hands after cleaning up mouse stuff is probably sufficient. (notice
how little i agree with that statement :). Bruce said it happened a while ago and anyway
none of it happened near the dvd recorder. Dad also opened a new cylinder of disks to do
this with too. I bet Fantine (of Les Mis) never worried about mice- she had bigger
worries than that!
Mood now: anxiety 86% but i will do it anyway.
Please, someone, save me from this illness!!!