Monday, March 16, 2015

Mantra: The World is a Dirty Place And So Am I. Repeat.

My daughter has decided that her half- broken computer is not good enough, so she needs to use mine.  I don't get much time on my computer til after 10 pm, when i am tired and don't want  to be explaining  my life- not even to myself on this blog.  So here goes the past few weeks:

I left my last session with Cory 2 weeks ago with homework:  do the laundry without washing hands afterwards, making sure i touch myself/ other stuff with the 'dirty' laundry.  Which laundry isn't really dirty, but just used.  I am also supposed to touch the clothes in my closet that i haven't used or touched since last Sept. or Oct. after the mouse incident.  EWWW.  As you have probably figured out, i haven't done that yet.  I have 3 days to go.

I started by doing the laundry.  I know that it isn't really dirty, just used, or smelly or you know, dirty.  I put it in bags to carry downstairs as i still need a rail to hold onto thanks to my foot, so i can't just put it in my arms and walk down.  So far so good.  I put the stuff in the machine, do NOT clean the inside of the machine with vinegar or the outside of the washer, or dryer. I punch the right buttons & then put the detergent, vinegar & baking soda into the machine portholes and close it up.  The detergent bottle is covered in blue gummy detergent all over the handle.  Or since i haven't been doing laundry since mid-December, i can blame the messy bottle on my husband.  So i decided that i could wash my hands after wards.

Because i have a big washing machine and a small family, i don't have to do laundry every day.  So on some of those interim days, i brought laundry from the bins and just put it into the washer, making sure to contaminate the stair railing, my clothes and whatever else i could and then not wash my hands.  Saturday I cleaned the washer out of whatever gunk (mostly dog hair) that gets stuck in the rubber liners and i cleaned the detergent bottle so i could touch it without actually having real goopy blue gunk on my hands as my plan wasn't to see how goopy i could make the house.  

 Today i did sleeping bags from Brownie Camp ( yes, OCD me went to Brownie camp where i had to supervise the girls in cleaning the bathrooms and other chores) and did not wash my hands afterwards.  I did call Bruce to see if it was ok to not wash hands.  My -before-ocd-memory of doing laundry was to wash my hands  after setting up the next load, so this is a bit of a stretch for me.  Bruce wasn't answering my call, so i just started doing stuff.  Then i noticed that it had been some time since i had even thought of my dirty hands so had probably touched all sorts of stuff that i can\t remember doing and don't want to remember doing because then PART 2 happens.   Part 2 is where a day or so later, i remember the activity and then backpedal and don't touch those items that i  purposely dirtied.

Oh, and here's the really gross thing of the week.  My car got stuck in the snow at the bottom of the driveway.  I tried to shovel it out but nothing worked.  It was recycle day and i knew that the recycle truck had already gone one way and would be coming back on my side of the road pretty soon.  I REALLY wanted to get unstuck before he came.  My prayers were not answered.  The guy showed up and being kind, vollunteered to try to unstick the car.  I had been working thru my mind how i would react to this and for whatever reason (moonspots, maybe), i seemed to be ok with him touching the front of my car/ the shovel to help me out.  Sure enough the nice young man did just that.  He even got his own shovel out to help but to no avail.  Ended up that hubby called CAA guys to come and do it after he tried.  I even used that shovel to help clean up the snow pile with my husband after the car was freed.

A couple of days later- or maybe just 1- it starts to snow, AGAIN.  So i wonder if i should get out there and shovel BEFORE it gets turned into ice.  NOW i start wondering about whether the snow shovel is dirty, and should i touch it etc. etc.   What is this, me second guessing myself days later???

I wonder if this means i can now do the garbage without having to change clothes?  or having a shower?  Bruce is still doing the garbage, and i am still fine with that.  In my book he has over 12 years to catch up on garbage detail since i've done it for that long, or longer.

My daughter is also doing an erp every day.  At girls camp she was able to sit with friends who were eating fruit and veggies and carry on a conversation with them!  It still irritated her, but she managed her feelings and didn't give in.  At home she still hates to go into the kitchen when i have bananas etc. sitting on the counter or even in the closet.

So now it's thinking about the closet.  

Bonus point:  today i got a call saying i have a job interview next week!!!!!!!!!!!!  At a day care centre.  Both so i can make some cash and also -just as importantly- i have discovered a real need inside of me to be with people more often.  Introverted me is completely stunned by this and is not sure what to make of it.  I do like playing with and reading to kids and teaching them songs.  I love watching them explore and create art too.

So my quiet days at home may be coming to an end.


  1. Wow. I am simply stunned by all the hard ERPs you have been doing. Going to be honest - don't think I could do those particular ones. Really impressive. You have come so far.

  2. I'm with Sunny. I too am very impressed with all this hard work you are doing and this is probably the hardest work a person like us could ever do!

  3. I work at a day care/preschool. The time with people is helpful for me. I also find (as an introvert myself) that being an introvert caring for children isn't a bad thing. I guess i equate introversion with quietness, which isn't quite correct. But quiet(er) adults can add a sense of calmness to child care situations. Good luck on your interview!