Tuesday, December 23, 2014

Killed My Foot

This doesn't have anything to do with OCD, but does, in a way.  Friday, while driving into a parking spot, i put my foot on the gas instead of the brake, noticed my mistake, put my foot on the brake AND pushed down hard, hoping to make the car stop before it hit the concrete barrier.  It didn't work and now my foot is busted.  So much that they couldn't operate because there wasn't anything to pin the stuff to.  So here i sit, on my couch with my leg in a boot, raised up.  Not a good thing for being able to wash my hands often!

I had to let bruce put the garbage out yesterday and will have to let someone do the laundry without me being able to supervise them to make sure it's all done 'correctly' AKA ocd"s way.  Sure puts ocd into it's spot!  I have a walker to get around with.  I never knew how hard a walker is on the palm of your hands.  They hurt while i'm walking as badly as my foot does.  Ocd got worse in the hospital.  I didn't like watching the cleaning lady do her stuff, or people coming in and closing the washroom door i'd specifically left open so i wouldn't have to touch the handle.

I went to my doctor;s on Fri. before the accident, and my ocd meds are slowly increasing.  Hopefully all the ocd thots i had at the hospital will mysteriously disappear over the next few weeks as my meds go up.  Haven't got hold of the mental health clinic to see about seeing a therapist. Was kinda out of touch fri. afternoon and all weekend.

I'm doing fine; mostly it doesn't hurt too much.  I'm home from the hospital.  I don't have to shovel snow, do dishes etc.  so this does have a few pluses to it.  I also finished my christmas shopping.  I just have to wrap it all up.  Trouble is, its upstairs and i can't get there.

Before you feel all sorry for me, i have never had a broken leg or arm before so this is all interesting and new.  I'm not in too much pain and haven't reached the boredom stage yet so my holidays aren t ruined.  This is all a fun experience.  Not one i plan on rehaving, so i am going to milk it for all it's worth!


  1. Is it possible to pad the walker in some way to make it easier on your hands? Foam padding or a towel or something? As long as it doesn't make it hard to grip the walker securely.

    I hope the meds help reduce your OCD thoughts.

  2. Your poor dear!

    I have just caught up on your last three posts.

    I am so very sorry about your poor foot. How are you doing now? It has been a few days since your last update.

    About the mice thing- I totally get where you are coming from with the contamination fears and the fears of one thing touching another and another and everything becoming contaminated and your peanut butter and molecule theories. I get it because that is also how I think but I am working hard to change that with therapy. One thing that really helped me is that about two years ago, my therapist had me change the way I did my weekly errands. I had them all arranged based upon contamination fears. Like I would get gas for my car last-- I'd even back track and go out of my way in the wrong direction to do my errands to arrange them in order from least to greatest contamination. I'd sanitize my hands between each time and then I'd do a big hand washing when I got home and I would also have to clean my gear shift, steering wheel etc.

    My therapist said that the risk of contamination does NOT grow with the more I touch something. This just blew my OCD's mind! After years of believing my steering wheel and gear shift we getting layers of germs from the grocery store, the bank etc. He said that is wrong and the germs actually go away over time. Well, I didn't believe him. I also had a fear that the germs etc. would all be "absorbed into my system" like your "coffee drinking" theory. He said that is also false but that it would take practice for my OCD to believe it.

    My therapist said the only way that my OCD will believe that these things are not a danger is if I practice and then apply what I learn to other areas of my life. So for several Saturdays in a row (until my OCD finally caught on and believed there was no danger), I did my errands in a different order and did not sanitize my hands between times and did not clean my steering wheel and gear shift afterwards. I faithfully did these for several Saturdays and the result was-- no illness or disease but rather peace of mind. It was so unexpected and amazing.

    Now, I can do my errands more normally and apply those lessons to other things like laundry and cleaning although I still get tripped up with those two things but not as bad as I used to.

    I hope this helps you a bit and I hope you are feeling a bit better.


  3. Hi Elizabeth!

    Wow, you've come a long way, since i read your posts, or maybe you don't blog anymore? ( i don't have access to anything) Great for you!

    My foot hurts when i stand up on it. I have a boot thing, which is what they must do instead of a cast now. I have a walker, but basically only go from the couch to the bathroom. Our bathroom is not very handicap friendly, meaning it's long and narrow.
    I've discovered i can go 4 days without a hair wash. It feels weird, but is liveable. And bathing is not so fun when i also have ocd things to contend with ( like don't touch the showerhead after the last handwash)

    I didn\t know that others had my molecular theory! I thot it was original to me. My daughter's therapist told me that was ocd's theory, when i was a teen, after learning the science behind matter. It's nice to know i'm not that weird- that it really IS ocd talking. But that explains why i have to wash up after picking up dog mess, and noone else seems to have to do that. AARG, ocd. So i need to go back to therapy in the new year, after my foot heals. I'm upping my pills too.

  4. Hey Karin I still blog : http://fragmentarybluehue.blogspot.com/