Things went very well with thanksgiving. Bruce said afterwards that it was a good thing he and his dad stayed at a nearby hotel because his dad needed more assistance than we realized (being 5 hours away means that when we see him it's usually for a few hours while we're eating or sitting and chatting so we don't see bed and bath routines etc.). Fortunately he's still mobile. Unfortunately it was rainy and cold so he and our daughter couldn't go fishing together.
Only a few ocd issues- bruce and dad had to walk near the garbage cans one day and I happened to see it. They didn't TOUCH them but I was anxious all the same. OTOH, I didn't make them wash just-in-case, so I'm more comfortable around garbage cans than I used to be. Oh, and Bruce HAD to show him the garage. That's not usually on my house tours, and it never occured to me to tell them to stay out of the garage ( did FIL brush by the garbage bin as they discussed the overhead pipe that has to be removed in order to get the garage door opener installed?). I did nothing except tell my concern to Bruce.
On the plus side Bruce and his dad got to spend lots of time together, Katrina got to know and be comfortable around her grandpa ( we moved when she was just 2, so she doesn't see him a lot anymore.) We had a nice thanksgiving dinner together on Monday. All of us went to the local museum which I thought was going to be boring, but instead it brought back lots of memories for grandpa which he shared, so Bruce got to know more about his dad's younger life. We tired him out :) !
I drove back south with the 2 of them which was fine until I (being bored) noticed grandpa's cap. It didn't look used, or worn but had the logo of his old business which he didn't have for at least 10 years, probably more now. That meant the hat was new. So my mind started working: was this cap in a box in the basement where mice could have come? Or worse, in the garage where mice actually were??? So now he was sitting in MY seat, touching MY door etc. with THAT cap. I quickly squashed the dread that was starting to come and tried to reason it out in my mind ( ie. a thot record):
#1: He hasn't been living in his house for 10 or more years so any mouse residue would be long gone and / or not effective anymore. Read NO GERMS. So nothing is wrong. Right??? Right?? Didn't work right away, but I had a long ride to sit with my anxiety and after 15 min or so I started to believe myself and the anxiety went away. I actually get rather proud of my 'accomplishment' to disolve an ocd attack. (Later I did ask Bruce where his dad might have kept the box of business baseball caps and he said on their fridge, not in the basement at all... but it was ok anyway).
This brings me to this week's topic. Ocd Talk did a post on the lonliness of ocd. And this kind of works in. When I'm proud of my accomplishments, I can't really share them with anyone except Bruce, or maybe my weekly group. It's not like I can just talk about my 'hard work' getting thots out of my head and everyone will congradulate me. In fact, they barely care... until I start asking them to wash, or not go there or something that makes the ocd visible. Out of sight, out of mind. Only not out of MY mind.
I know Bruce has talked to his sister and dad about the ocd, but I don't know exactly what he's said, except that I've improved a lot. Do they believe him? After all when I'm standing and talking to his sister or dad I don't show weird behaviors. Do they think I'm weird now? You know, mentally deranged but are just too polite to say that?