The past 2 weeks have been very stressful. I started going into Katrina's room (beyond the door/ dresser ) again and touched the stuffed animals that ocd says MAY have had mouse poop on them (haven't seen any, but that doesn't matter). Then i got into my bed. It was ok the night i did that because Bruce did it too. The next day I didn't feel too good about having done that, so I got new pyjamas out that evening.
I could just call my sister and see if there is any truth to the story I'm telling myself but am resisting doing that.
A few days ago i finally thought to myself that if I could tell myself a mouse-on- stuffed-animal story, I could also tell myself a different story. So I did. This story isn't as dramatic or anxiety-provoking. It goes like this: My niece wants to get rid of some of her stuff now that she's going into high school. She tells her mother and my sister tells her to put all the stuffed animals into the washer first to get them clean. She does and my daughter brings some of them home with her. The end.
It COULD have happened like that. :) It comes from inside my head, just like the original story does. So why don't i believe it? I have just as much reason to believe that story over the first one.
I DO go into Katrina's bed now with her to read to her again. Before I made her come into my bed and she'd get to fall asleep there instead. I let her pick up toys laying around that room while silently hoping they haven't touched the stuffed animals. But I haven't cleaned up her room yet, and it needs it. Sigh.
Then last Wed. I noticed that my ankle socks were in the living room. My husband said that Mieka was getting them out of my open drawer. Unfortunately I believed him. The next day and another pair of socks later i noticed that this 2nd pair seemed quite the same as the socks i'd worn to take out the garbage in. They were left on the floor in the basement ready to add into the next colour load.
Sure enough, the socks were gone from the basement. Now I had a choice: listen to OCD telling me how dirty the socks were and try to clean everything from the dog to the bed or ignore it. When i discovered a dirty sock in my bed the decision was made: clean. I washed the sheets and the blankets, picked up the living room and vacuumed it ( wiping down the vacuum cleaner afterwards) and wiping the dog's mouth and paws with water. I did NOT wash the dogs' blankets, nor give the dogs a bath, even tho ocd was telling me that would be a good idea. So I was still a bit anxious about the whole thing.
I liked it better when i felt my house was ocd free. But slowly i'm getting that feeling back.
Animals can be hazardess to my health. I guess, tho, in the long term, they are helping me. Even tho I don't want their help.
On a more positive note, I am only 50 books away from having read 1000 books (in my life) on goodreads.com. I have set myself the goal to get to 1000 by the end of the year- and the only picture books i can add are ones that I or Katrina find are exceptionally good. 50 books in 3months... it might be close! More novels and less mythology.
