To be Cured or Not to be Cured, that is MY question.

This week i made a decision to up my meds again. I also started reading lots of books, websites about ocd because i wanted to figure out where i had gotten the seemingly impossible goal of being 'cured' of ocd, that i was going for.

 To me, cured means done with, able to live relatively normal life, no meds, only a few random ocd thots going thru my head every few months like other people may have.  That i could change my brain to meet and conquer this challenge.  And lots of books talk about  'curing' the person with ocd.  But maybe their idea of cured is different from mine.  I suppose if I  am taking a dose of medicine that makes most of my ocd thots disappear and do cbt/erp to get rid of the remaining ones that is 'cured', just not the way i defined it. I never thot i'd be totally free of ocd thots (who is) but free enuf that i'd easily notice one and be able to target it fairly quickly and dispose of it in a few hours not a few years.

So i have a pile of books from the library and some on interlibrary loan that i will be reading to see what their 'cured' means.  I don't want to be aiming for an impossible goal, but neither do i want to sell myself short- esp. on the meds thing.  I have been on meds of one kind or another for ocd now for around 5 years and so i don't even know if they are affecting me adversely anymore. I was too scared to drop the final pill to see what would happen.  Would the ocd have come back to the way it was 5 yrs ago?  It takes time to get the pills out  of the body, and if the ocd is back it takes another 6 wks or so of re-admitting the pills and i was just too scared to take the final step.  Oh well.  I guess i'm not as much of a guinea pig as i thot i was.