So last night was garbage take-out night. Special worry because I also had to take garbage from the basement. That can had towels in it that had acquired fuzzy black spots (from hanging wet over my laundry basket for days). In my book that was mold so this bag needed extra care. All day I thot about how to get it out of the house , finally deciding that if i took it out of the can, put it into another garbage bag upside down then it would be good enuf. I did that, wiped down that can and the walls and floor around it Because the outside can was already full and it was rainy and supposed to be raining the next few days I just put the bag on the ground hoping the rain would keep the crows/ ravens away. By this time tho i was tired. Showering took 45 min. But as i was drying off I (or rather OCD) decided that the towel should go into the laundry 'in case' some dirt was still left on me- how that could be after 40 minutes only OCD can say -but i bought into it, instead of telling ocd brain to shut up. So i threw the towel onto the laundry pile which then blasted a puff of air at me. This meant that i should wash my arms - 'just in case' - OCD said. Obediently, and without thinking, i went to do it- i was tired and so just wanted to get done- but then soap bubbles started coming out of the sink hole ( is there mold down that hole?) and i had had it. Anxiety went sky-hi. I moved to another sink, after washing down the original soap pump and sink handle, and tried again to wash my arms 'properly'. Since the kitchen sink has no soap-bubble drain hole near the top, i managed to get washed and dressed in my pj's by 8:40. i was tired. It was now over 2 hours since i started. Ocd is sooo exhausting. I was in bed by 9:15 reading a book to my 5 year-old daughter. Thinking about how to do the garbage 'right' sure sucks!!!
Since i went to bed so early, i figured i better get up at a decent time of day. Unfortunately, my counsellor doesn't think 10:30 meets that qualification. So i was up at before 7:30, giving my daughter breakfast and getting her ready for school. Everything's fine? Nope, saw my husband putting some garbage into the empty milk box we have on the counter to scrape left-over oatmeal into from daughter's bowl, so it doesn't clog the sink. From my angle it looked like he TOUCHED the box. "Eww" screached OCD into my head. I retorted with, He'll be upset and tell me that he did NOT touch anything, so i'll ignore it.' 'Uh, huh' says ocd. They both leave and i watch them thru the window ( what else am i supposed to do at this time of the night?). So i saw the neighbors come out of their house. The mom has a garbage bag in her hand and the daughter comes across the street to the bus stop WHERE MY FAMILY IS STANDING. ' See that? screams OCD,' i hope she doesn't touch her". Mom puts the garbage in a can and goes back in the house. "Ug, now their door knob is dirty" What if dear daughter wants to go play there? Or worse, their daughter comes over here??" And then not-so-dear husband-with-the-dirty-hands goes in my car and into my trunk. OCD now has a major temper tantrum in my head because my car was clean and safe for me to use. Then hubby blythely gets into his car and drives off, leaving me dealing with OCD -brain all by myself.
And 10 or so minutes after everyone left, i heard a crow squack. Sure enuf, paper towels were all over the place. I should have just put it on top of the other bag in the can last night.However,I was too anxiety ridden or something to remember that crows, unlike hummingbirds, can't hover in the air to poke holes into the sides of a bag sitting on top of a garbage can with a lid over it. So guess who gets to deal with more yuk garbage?? blech. But not yet.
So do i run out and wash my car door handle and the trunk pull etc? Couldn't call hubby for another 20 minutes until he actually arrives at work. I decided to sit with it and do nothing, and see how long that lasted. (One of Jeff Schwartz' ideas from Brain Lock.) I read a book while i waited and the urge to scream, call hubby etc. decreased. 2 hrs later i realized the feelings had gone down a lot. But again i'm left feeling exhausted. So it's not a happy win. I did do better than last night.
Since i went to bed so early, i figured i better get up at a decent time of day. Unfortunately, my counsellor doesn't think 10:30 meets that qualification. So i was up at before 7:30, giving my daughter breakfast and getting her ready for school. Everything's fine? Nope, saw my husband putting some garbage into the empty milk box we have on the counter to scrape left-over oatmeal into from daughter's bowl, so it doesn't clog the sink. From my angle it looked like he TOUCHED the box. "Eww" screached OCD into my head. I retorted with, He'll be upset and tell me that he did NOT touch anything, so i'll ignore it.' 'Uh, huh' says ocd. They both leave and i watch them thru the window ( what else am i supposed to do at this time of the night?). So i saw the neighbors come out of their house. The mom has a garbage bag in her hand and the daughter comes across the street to the bus stop WHERE MY FAMILY IS STANDING. ' See that? screams OCD,' i hope she doesn't touch her". Mom puts the garbage in a can and goes back in the house. "Ug, now their door knob is dirty" What if dear daughter wants to go play there? Or worse, their daughter comes over here??" And then not-so-dear husband-with-the-dirty-hands goes in my car and into my trunk. OCD now has a major temper tantrum in my head because my car was clean and safe for me to use. Then hubby blythely gets into his car and drives off, leaving me dealing with OCD -brain all by myself.
And 10 or so minutes after everyone left, i heard a crow squack. Sure enuf, paper towels were all over the place. I should have just put it on top of the other bag in the can last night.However,I was too anxiety ridden or something to remember that crows, unlike hummingbirds, can't hover in the air to poke holes into the sides of a bag sitting on top of a garbage can with a lid over it. So guess who gets to deal with more yuk garbage?? blech. But not yet.
So do i run out and wash my car door handle and the trunk pull etc? Couldn't call hubby for another 20 minutes until he actually arrives at work. I decided to sit with it and do nothing, and see how long that lasted. (One of Jeff Schwartz' ideas from Brain Lock.) I read a book while i waited and the urge to scream, call hubby etc. decreased. 2 hrs later i realized the feelings had gone down a lot. But again i'm left feeling exhausted. So it's not a happy win. I did do better than last night.
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