A very comprehensive read that takes you from learning about and diagnosing your child's OCD to the different medications to ERP therapy and why they work and how fast to expect improvements.
Part 2 is called 'The Parent's Role'. Chansky has parents sometimes being a co-therapist (for young children) to letting the child/teen be in charge of the OCD homework.
The parents section is really interesting and helpful when working with a therapist to help your child manage OCD. It's also a good read if you are the one with OCD because there are lots of examples and anecdotes and reminders that are great to remember as adults too.
Section 3 goes into detail about the specific types of OCD: Contamination fears, checking, counting, redoing obsessions, doubting your own senses , having to be 'just right'- ordering, counting, hoarding, symmetry; and intrusive thoughts and imagined impulses like: scrupulosity, sexual thoughts or thoughts of harming others.
Finally there's advice on how to deal with frustrated siblings, the school and society at large.
I've read many books now on OCD and expected this to be basically a review of what I knew. I was pleasantly surprised with all the information, stories and help Dr. Chansky gives to parents and those struggling with OCD in their lives or families.
Some quotes from the book:
p8: OCD is an intrusion, a brain hiccup. It is different from your child's voluntary thoughts but he doesn't know that. All thoughts are created equal, so we all think, unless we are told otherwise. While thoughts of the mind are welcome messages, OCD brain hiccups are junk mail, but because they happen in English, we think we need to listen to them, understand them. The more we try to figure out wheat they are saying and why, the more we are being pulled into their trap.
p.92: It is very difficult to cope with a chronic condition (OCD). So how do we live with this perpetual uncertainty? We don't spend all of our time noticing it. Let's say your child is afraid of dogs. We work on his dog phobia and he is no longer afraid. Is that because all the dogs in the world 'went away' and never came back? No, the dogs are there, but your child learned to ignore them and live his life. This is the change that happens in OD: The thoughts may reappear from time to time, but if you don't respond to them in the way OCD tells you to, they don't constrict your life. Your child will not have to go through exactly the same things again because she will have won back territory for OCD. l Recognizing its signs and armed with strategies to fight back, she can't be tricked in the same way again.
p107: Behavior therapy teaches your child that OCD is a false alarm, a bully in your brain bossing your around, and the way to get rid of OCD is by 'show and tell'. Show it that your are in charge by doing what you want, not what it wants, then tell OCD to back off and leave you alone. Behavior therapy provides planned opportunities for your child to see that he can control his actions.
p.108: There are 6 basic components in behavior therapy to take control of OCD:
1. Re-label the problem as a bad guy bossing you around.
2. Do the opposite of the OCD warnings (show).
3. Boss back the OCD (tell.)
4. Refocus on what you want to b doing instead of having symptoms.
5. Define the motivation for treatment: What I hate about OCD.
6. Determine the parents' role in treatment.
p.111: ...when your child says to the OCD, 'You are junk mail, you're not real, so stop bossing me
around!"..[it] will help him feel empowered and mad, rather than scared and trapped.
p, 139: Let the child set the pace of treatment. If a child feels you are in charge of her recovery she
may rebel or feel overwhelmed.
p.139: a bad day doesn't negate the progress made, just like a bad move on the sports floor doesn't
mean you're penalized for the rest of your life.
p.152: Let their triumph's be THEIR triumph! Say ' I'm proud of your had work' not 'Finally!, I
couldn't have taken it another day!
p. 226: OCD creates a crisis. It's time consuming. It's added to a normal life. [Parents] need to
conserve energy- take a 'just say no' policy to extra time commitments.
p. 226: No shoulding like: I should have a cleaner house, I should do PTA.... Parents should have
hobbies and activities to be happy in.
p. 249: 'What I learned is that sometimes the way to fix the problem [a contaminated item] is to
make it too big to fix'. -Tara
p. 264: the 'incomplete' circuits continue to fire even after the job is done. The feeling of satisfaction
that normally follows a competed action ( like the feeling you get when you finish that jigsaw
puzzle) never comes.
Thursday, January 23, 2014
Saturday, January 18, 2014
Happy New Year 2014!
My daughter has been diagnosed with OCD too. She wants me to wash my hands after I touch fruit or vegetables. (An OCD obsession I haven't read about, anywhere). She will hold her breath to go into the kitchen on the chance there are fruits / veggies laying on the counter or table. She usually takes her food plate and eats in her room. At school she has a hard time eating her lunch if one of the other kids has fruit out on their desk, but she's managing ok. A while ago she would not each lunch when this happened and then throw up out of hunger and be sent home. I'd been to our local child counselling centre a few times but until Katrina started wanting me to wash my hands so she'd feel ok, everyone said she didn't have it. Even I wondered (and hoped) that it was just her way of getting back at me for when I was in the throes of OCD and would make her wash a lot. Now that I was better, maybe this was her way of getting rid of the pent-up anger?? No such luck.
We've been going to a therapist with Katrina on a weekly basis now since last summer. She was so shy and quiet that it's taken the therapist til now to be able to see her alone, to do play therapy. We make her go to Brownies (girl scouts in Canada) to give her the exposure to new situations, hopefully giving her success and helping her speak up for herself. The 'make' part means that she wanted to go, and went 3 times to try it, told us she liked it and then after I paid the ridiculously high fee that doesn't go to the leaders but to the Corporation ANDbought her her uniform, she told us she didn't like it anymore. She can quit in Sept. if she wants (maybe- her counsellor says it's a good way to increase her social skills)- but will go for now.
I'm also reading books (again :P) about OCD- this time about parents with children who have OCD.
I was concerned that I wouldn't be able to handle 'making' my child do ocd ERP as homework because I know how horrid it is to struggle with the OCD monster myself. How could I do that to my daughter? I wouldn't want my worst enemy to have OCD, never mind my own child! So Katrina's counselor recommended I return to counselling to help me with this. However, the book we are working on with her, SHE is to take charge of OCD, not me 'making' her do it, like I make her do her math homework, so that helped reduce my stress level.
I still go to Toastmasters, but haven't given another speech yet; I have helped a lady bring Toastmasters to a local homeschooling group, and given a short presentation or 2 to the teens there.
After having 2 weeks off at Christmas, getting back into my exercise routine, Toastmasters meetings, chauffeuring, taking the dogs out for their exercise all seemed overwhelming, so instead of getting frustrated and mad at myself for my lack of energy, I decided to take it slow, do the necessary things and add in my other activities (ie Toastmaster meetings) a little at a time till I was back in the swing of things. Our Christmas tree is still up as that hasn't been a priority- it's in a corner out of the way- better up like that, than half down with boxes all over the living room!
Wednesday, September 25, 2013
hi-ho, hi-ho it's out in LIFE I go... Sorry for the lack of posts :(
I've spent the last 7 months living life based on what I want / need to do. Ocd isn't at the top of my list anymore. It's still there, in the back of my mind and sometimes it comes forward, rears it's accusatory head and waits for my response. Often I just tell it to shut up, sometimes it's quicker to just wash and go and other times I really have to think about things.
For example. I joined a running group. As we were waiting for people to show up, someone commented on how she didn't want to touch a donut given to her by an employee who had also collected money and didn't put on gloves first. She thought that was dirty. I just wondered what the problem was, glad that ocd didn't have a problem with that anymore. I can use money now without thinking about all the places it might have been. Fast forward to our walk. This same person saw some buckets in someone's trash, ran over and emptied out the laundry detergent bottle from the bucket and took the buckets. Now THAT made me sick. OCD just did not appreciate that move. I spent the rest of the walk making sure she didn't touch me. The last 10 min. or so she walked beside me and we talked, but by that time the dread had simmered down. I still didn't want her to touch me. Now I am a bit afraid to go back to the building because I don't know if she touched a door there. I just thot it rather ironic that she has a concern about money being dirty and it just spends most of it's time in wallets or pockets or tills, but has no problem grabbing something from someone's garbage. Go figure.
Yesterday I was walking the dogs and on our way home I saw a dead mouse at the side of the road. Naturally the dog had to put its nose down to smell it and I yanked her away from it. I didn't know if she actually touched the mouse, but washed her snout off with Kleenex covered in vinegar. That was ok, I was pretty calm. Then ocd hit as I was wiping off the door handle and garage door opener that i'd touched with the opposite hand. Which garbage container was ok to put that Kleenex?? Yep, mice still give me the willies. Ocd or not, mice bother me. I'm just gonna have to live with that, I think!
Now for the good stuff! I joined Toastmasters in January and participated in their speak-off-the-cuff section. Actually that's why I decided to join- to learn to speak to people naturally, without having to have it written down, so then I might be able to introduce myself and start a chit-chat conversation with a stranger and not have it be such a traumatic thing. I've also done small roles like: word -of- the -day and joke master. I am also club secretary and transform the minutes into a club newsletter.
Tom has gone back to university so my live-in babysitter is not here anymore. Colm Wilkinson, the famous Phantom in Phantom of the OPera and who played Jean Valjean in Les Miserables is coming to Toronto in Dec. and I AM GOING TO SEE HIM!!!!!!!!!!!!! Do I sound excited or what!! I love looking forward to real life fun instead of my next OCD attack.
My husband and son spent the summer putting new stairs on the front of the house as well as digging for the septic tank ( which was conviently located under the deck and stairs!) and before winter hits we have to get it stained. Painting is something I haven't done since before Katrina was born- baby + OCD = no way am I getting near paint! Now I can do it and I had fun!
I bought my daughter used tap dance shoes last week and OCD really wanted me to spend the extra $70 to get new ones but I resisted. Then it told me to wash them because who knows where they've been- besides on some other little 7 yr old's feet. I kept saying 'no' and today is dance class and I'm ok with not washing the outside of the shoes but I wanted to wash the inside with vinegar- to kill any wart spores or whatever they're called. I don't want to do the work of getting warts off her feet later. So I talked to my husband and he suggested just washing the inside would be ok, but I was concerned that i'd have to do the outside because I was there anyway- and then if something went wrong at the sink I could be hand washing for awhile and I didn't want to risk that.
Solution: pour some vinegar in each shoe and with a rag lift shoe up to spread vinegar. Throw out vinegar container and rag. Wash hands. Done.
So, now was that OCD being sneaky, getting thru the back door and AT LEAST washing the inside of the shoes, or was that a legitimate worry?
I got to paint most of the lattice work while Bruce did the deck and stairs and fence.
For example. I joined a running group. As we were waiting for people to show up, someone commented on how she didn't want to touch a donut given to her by an employee who had also collected money and didn't put on gloves first. She thought that was dirty. I just wondered what the problem was, glad that ocd didn't have a problem with that anymore. I can use money now without thinking about all the places it might have been. Fast forward to our walk. This same person saw some buckets in someone's trash, ran over and emptied out the laundry detergent bottle from the bucket and took the buckets. Now THAT made me sick. OCD just did not appreciate that move. I spent the rest of the walk making sure she didn't touch me. The last 10 min. or so she walked beside me and we talked, but by that time the dread had simmered down. I still didn't want her to touch me. Now I am a bit afraid to go back to the building because I don't know if she touched a door there. I just thot it rather ironic that she has a concern about money being dirty and it just spends most of it's time in wallets or pockets or tills, but has no problem grabbing something from someone's garbage. Go figure.
Yesterday I was walking the dogs and on our way home I saw a dead mouse at the side of the road. Naturally the dog had to put its nose down to smell it and I yanked her away from it. I didn't know if she actually touched the mouse, but washed her snout off with Kleenex covered in vinegar. That was ok, I was pretty calm. Then ocd hit as I was wiping off the door handle and garage door opener that i'd touched with the opposite hand. Which garbage container was ok to put that Kleenex?? Yep, mice still give me the willies. Ocd or not, mice bother me. I'm just gonna have to live with that, I think!
Now for the good stuff! I joined Toastmasters in January and participated in their speak-off-the-cuff section. Actually that's why I decided to join- to learn to speak to people naturally, without having to have it written down, so then I might be able to introduce myself and start a chit-chat conversation with a stranger and not have it be such a traumatic thing. I've also done small roles like: word -of- the -day and joke master. I am also club secretary and transform the minutes into a club newsletter.
Tom has gone back to university so my live-in babysitter is not here anymore. Colm Wilkinson, the famous Phantom in Phantom of the OPera and who played Jean Valjean in Les Miserables is coming to Toronto in Dec. and I AM GOING TO SEE HIM!!!!!!!!!!!!! Do I sound excited or what!! I love looking forward to real life fun instead of my next OCD attack.
My husband and son spent the summer putting new stairs on the front of the house as well as digging for the septic tank ( which was conviently located under the deck and stairs!) and before winter hits we have to get it stained. Painting is something I haven't done since before Katrina was born- baby + OCD = no way am I getting near paint! Now I can do it and I had fun!
I bought my daughter used tap dance shoes last week and OCD really wanted me to spend the extra $70 to get new ones but I resisted. Then it told me to wash them because who knows where they've been- besides on some other little 7 yr old's feet. I kept saying 'no' and today is dance class and I'm ok with not washing the outside of the shoes but I wanted to wash the inside with vinegar- to kill any wart spores or whatever they're called. I don't want to do the work of getting warts off her feet later. So I talked to my husband and he suggested just washing the inside would be ok, but I was concerned that i'd have to do the outside because I was there anyway- and then if something went wrong at the sink I could be hand washing for awhile and I didn't want to risk that.
Solution: pour some vinegar in each shoe and with a rag lift shoe up to spread vinegar. Throw out vinegar container and rag. Wash hands. Done.
So, now was that OCD being sneaky, getting thru the back door and AT LEAST washing the inside of the shoes, or was that a legitimate worry?
Sunday, February 10, 2013
Just 1 Step Away From Falling Down the Rabbit Hole
That 's what my husband seems to think. Or maybe he's like me... just waiting for something to go 'dread'-fully wrong. I wonder if I'll wake up one day and realize that I've been letting OCD creep back into my life one little decision at a time.
Friday I was cold and so was wearing this fluffy robe over my clothes. I was picking up some paper garbage to put in the garbage can and just laid them on the kitchen table instead. Later, I added a banana peel and something else to this little pile. I forgot about it until Bruce came home and he put it in the garbage for me. I apologized for leaving it there and he made some comment about how I have a problem using a garbage can!
Yes, I DID, once, long long ago, over a year ago, have this problem. Three or 4 years ago I refused to put anything in a garbage can, just leaving it in piles on the table for Bruce to do it. I believed that dropping something into a garbage can would send contaminated air back up to hit me. I could use open ones where I would stand back and just toss something in it. After awhile I could put stuff in the garbage can but then have to wash my hands right afterwards. Then, I worked on that problem. It is not a problem anyore. see: http://myjourneythruocd.blogspot.ca/2011/06/attack-of-killer-garbage-can.html
Back to Friday. I was just being lazy and didn't want to have my robe touch the garbage can. It was clean garbage I left on the table. So the first thing that jumps into his head is how things were 4 years ago. Thanks!
Will I always be just one step from full-blown OCD? I hope i can be lazy once in a while and not have this mean I am going backwards, or am i kidding myself? Vigilence 24/7 for the rest of my life sounds like a prison sentence.
I read a quote today on Lolly's blog: Lolly's hope. It says:
Stop being afraid of what could go wrong,
and focus on what could go right!
see: http://www.lollyshope.com/2013/01/untitled.html.
I needed that today! Thanks Lolly!
Last week was a busy week. I am finished with my anxiety group (this could be where some of my concern is coming from as now I have no 'professional' help if I need it. ) and am in a healthy living program. I found out that this is a 3 days a week commitment for 4 months to go 2ce a week to the exercise class at the local pool and once a week to a fitness class. They are monitoring all sorts of stuff from my weight to how many push-ups i can do in a row (easy- 0 ). From a once a week meeting to 3 exercise classes a week that tire me out is a very big change in routine. I keep telling myself that last week was the first week and I will get used to it one day at a time.
Friday I was cold and so was wearing this fluffy robe over my clothes. I was picking up some paper garbage to put in the garbage can and just laid them on the kitchen table instead. Later, I added a banana peel and something else to this little pile. I forgot about it until Bruce came home and he put it in the garbage for me. I apologized for leaving it there and he made some comment about how I have a problem using a garbage can!
Yes, I DID, once, long long ago, over a year ago, have this problem. Three or 4 years ago I refused to put anything in a garbage can, just leaving it in piles on the table for Bruce to do it. I believed that dropping something into a garbage can would send contaminated air back up to hit me. I could use open ones where I would stand back and just toss something in it. After awhile I could put stuff in the garbage can but then have to wash my hands right afterwards. Then, I worked on that problem. It is not a problem anyore. see: http://myjourneythruocd.blogspot.ca/2011/06/attack-of-killer-garbage-can.html
Back to Friday. I was just being lazy and didn't want to have my robe touch the garbage can. It was clean garbage I left on the table. So the first thing that jumps into his head is how things were 4 years ago. Thanks!
Will I always be just one step from full-blown OCD? I hope i can be lazy once in a while and not have this mean I am going backwards, or am i kidding myself? Vigilence 24/7 for the rest of my life sounds like a prison sentence.
I read a quote today on Lolly's blog: Lolly's hope. It says:
Stop being afraid of what could go wrong,
and focus on what could go right!
see: http://www.lollyshope.com/2013/01/untitled.html.
I needed that today! Thanks Lolly!
Last week was a busy week. I am finished with my anxiety group (this could be where some of my concern is coming from as now I have no 'professional' help if I need it. ) and am in a healthy living program. I found out that this is a 3 days a week commitment for 4 months to go 2ce a week to the exercise class at the local pool and once a week to a fitness class. They are monitoring all sorts of stuff from my weight to how many push-ups i can do in a row (easy- 0 ). From a once a week meeting to 3 exercise classes a week that tire me out is a very big change in routine. I keep telling myself that last week was the first week and I will get used to it one day at a time.
Friday, January 18, 2013
OCD Goal For the Day
I went to my first official Toastmaster's meeting Wed. night. I was a LOT more nervous and anxious than I thot I'd be. After all, I'd been there as a guest 3 or 4 times. I'd even participated at those times and found it not too bad.
But this was 'official'. Now I was one of the group. I don't know why or how I manage to make these things so stressful to me!!! We had to give a one minute speech about 'new' and besides not remembering a word the 3 people ahead of me said (which was awkward as we then had to rate the best topic speakers), I only managed 20 seconds - yes they time it too!
The sane part of me says that now I have a base point from which I can measure my improvements and that as humans the learning curve is not all fun and games. The irrational side is just wondering why I want to do such a thing in the first place! That since I'm only a few years from 50 and am NOT planning to lead any companies or churches, the probablity that someone will come to my house and ask me to give a speech is rather remote! But Karin just can't let it be. She's a twit that for some reason decides to do awful things -and even PAYS people for the privilage of doing these things instead of just enjoying life within the pages of her books.
(See what I have to deal with??!)
They- the writer of the agenda for next meeting wanted me to give my first speech at the next meeting. I managed to volunteer to give the 'word of the day' instead, where rather than making up a speech about my life, I only have to find a really cool word and give the definitions. Something I can handle... except the perfectionist part of me which is already wondering which word would be 'perfect' for the evening. Which word is going to 'wow' them all.
I think this club will be good for me for more than I origionally thot it would!
Now for the topic of the day: ERP
Thot Record that will hopefully calm me down.
Note; Bruce phoned my dad to see when their last mouse episode was and according to Bruce it was a while ago. I felt better for a few minutes. Then the 'reassurance' thing hit. Maybe I should call my dad and hear it again? I didn't want to call myself in case he tells me all sorts of info that will just rev up my already freaked out mind. I figured Bruce could give me the watered- down version- just the facts. I am NOT going to call my dad myself, or Bruce for that matter for reassurance... BUT I REALLY REALLY WANT TO!
Situation: My dad sent me some dvds he made so I can watch them. I think he also wants feedback,
so I can't just throw them away. Also sent me a card which is now on the table under
some pokemon cards and headphones. So I can't touch that stuff either. The disks fell off the couch onto the floor where they have now contaminated a book from a Goodreads giveaway that I am supposed to read and review. At first when I got the package I was OK with it. OCD hit in about 5 min. later, after the stuff was already on the couch and table.
Mood: 96% anxiety and fear
Automatic thots: MICE (what else!) Dad had mentioned they'd had mice in our last phone
conversation, but didn't mention exactly WHEN, so was it a week ago?? What if he
cleaned up the mouse stuff and didn't SHOWER after wards, but ONLY washed his
hands?? Am I contamination my house/ stuff?
Rational thots: I guess washing hands after cleaning up mouse stuff is probably sufficient. (notice
how little i agree with that statement :). Bruce said it happened a while ago and anyway
none of it happened near the dvd recorder. Dad also opened a new cylinder of disks to do
this with too. I bet Fantine (of Les Mis) never worried about mice- she had bigger
worries than that!
Mood now: anxiety 86% but i will do it anyway.
Please, someone, save me from this illness!!!
But this was 'official'. Now I was one of the group. I don't know why or how I manage to make these things so stressful to me!!! We had to give a one minute speech about 'new' and besides not remembering a word the 3 people ahead of me said (which was awkward as we then had to rate the best topic speakers), I only managed 20 seconds - yes they time it too!
The sane part of me says that now I have a base point from which I can measure my improvements and that as humans the learning curve is not all fun and games. The irrational side is just wondering why I want to do such a thing in the first place! That since I'm only a few years from 50 and am NOT planning to lead any companies or churches, the probablity that someone will come to my house and ask me to give a speech is rather remote! But Karin just can't let it be. She's a twit that for some reason decides to do awful things -and even PAYS people for the privilage of doing these things instead of just enjoying life within the pages of her books.
(See what I have to deal with??!)
They- the writer of the agenda for next meeting wanted me to give my first speech at the next meeting. I managed to volunteer to give the 'word of the day' instead, where rather than making up a speech about my life, I only have to find a really cool word and give the definitions. Something I can handle... except the perfectionist part of me which is already wondering which word would be 'perfect' for the evening. Which word is going to 'wow' them all.
I think this club will be good for me for more than I origionally thot it would!
Now for the topic of the day: ERP
Thot Record that will hopefully calm me down.
Note; Bruce phoned my dad to see when their last mouse episode was and according to Bruce it was a while ago. I felt better for a few minutes. Then the 'reassurance' thing hit. Maybe I should call my dad and hear it again? I didn't want to call myself in case he tells me all sorts of info that will just rev up my already freaked out mind. I figured Bruce could give me the watered- down version- just the facts. I am NOT going to call my dad myself, or Bruce for that matter for reassurance... BUT I REALLY REALLY WANT TO!
Situation: My dad sent me some dvds he made so I can watch them. I think he also wants feedback,
so I can't just throw them away. Also sent me a card which is now on the table under
some pokemon cards and headphones. So I can't touch that stuff either. The disks fell off the couch onto the floor where they have now contaminated a book from a Goodreads giveaway that I am supposed to read and review. At first when I got the package I was OK with it. OCD hit in about 5 min. later, after the stuff was already on the couch and table.
Mood: 96% anxiety and fear
Automatic thots: MICE (what else!) Dad had mentioned they'd had mice in our last phone
conversation, but didn't mention exactly WHEN, so was it a week ago?? What if he
cleaned up the mouse stuff and didn't SHOWER after wards, but ONLY washed his
hands?? Am I contamination my house/ stuff?
Rational thots: I guess washing hands after cleaning up mouse stuff is probably sufficient. (notice
how little i agree with that statement :). Bruce said it happened a while ago and anyway
none of it happened near the dvd recorder. Dad also opened a new cylinder of disks to do
this with too. I bet Fantine (of Les Mis) never worried about mice- she had bigger
worries than that!
Mood now: anxiety 86% but i will do it anyway.
Please, someone, save me from this illness!!!
Wednesday, January 16, 2013
Noticing the Little Things- Cause They're the Nice Things
Lots has happened since before Christmas even. Most are little things I've noticed about myself. Like I used to be afraid to touch the basement door to the garage in case of contamination or radiation burns or something :P but I did let everyone else touch the door without washing. In fact, I'd wipe the handle down on a weekly basis while doing the garbage and wiping off the garbage can. But one day, not too long ago, as we were going to the garage to get into the van, I just opened the door myself! No big deal- nothing happened. Yeah!!! Have done it again too! It was one of my- sneak-into-it exposures. I knew it wasn't dirty, but still wouldn't touch it. Watching others, tho, helped my mind to acclimatize to it without ME having to do anything.
And then there was the 'big one', that happened last weekend while I was at my brother's house. Brother had gone out and while he was gone someone had vomited on the floor, so Other Brother and I went looking for paper towels to clean up the mess. I found some under the bathroom sink on top of a bunch of cleaners. (YUK, already contaminated by the cleaners- because cleaners have poisonous chemicals in them). Other Brother used them anyway but instead of putting them back into the cupboard, stuck them on an empy paper towel holder on the kitchen counter. I told him about my thots on that but he didn't agree with me (nicely) and left them there. When Brother came home, i told him about it too (you know, IN CASE he thot it was gros too, but he didn't either) and also left them there. I decided since it was his house, not to get upset, but to just tell my daughter NOT to touch them. Unfortunately I didn't get around to telling her fast enuf (because how often do kids really play with paper towels anyway?) Well that morning there was a spill and cousin gave Katrina one of THOSE paper towels to wipe it up with. Figures. So i told Katrina to wash her hands but before we got to the bathroom I changed my mind and told her not to bother. Why? Because if I made her wash her hands, I'd also have to go after cousin who also touched the paper towels and I couldn't do that because cousin's dad was Brother who said the paper towels were fine. So, in that case, I'd have to think the whole house was getting contaminated with cousin running around touching all sorts of stuff- toys, furniture Katrina etc. That would not be the best use of my brain. So Normal Brain told OCD Brain to knock it off. Normal Brain also figured out that by the time the vomit was cleaned up off the floor, all the paper towels left on the roll would be clean anyway, having not touched the cleaners. OCD Brain left, without a fight!!!!!!!!!!!!! And I got to enjoy the rest of my visit, rather than clocking all the things that everyone contaminated.
But in case you think my life is OCD free, my dad sent me some dvds that I haven't touched because he mentioned that sometime last year they had had mice. Or maybe I misunderstood and it was just 'in the past' they had had mice. Either way, their whole house is now contaminated and I don't want to touch anything until I find out when and where the mice were and how far that was from the dvd's he sent me. Problem is that I'm afraid to call him and ask, in case I learn more than I wanted to know because for some reason people LIKE to talk about their mouse problems to me. I just don't like to hear it. So Bruce is supposed to call and ask my dad all the questions and only tell me the relative parts of the conversation in case what he says gives me more Yuk's. Hasn't happened yet, so still haven't watched the dvd's. There are also pokemon cards and head phones that are sitting on top of a note he sent with the dvd's. They haven't been moved either.
Oh, and one of Katrina's library books had a piece bitten out of it. Naturally 'Mice' was my first thot, even tho some of the teeth marks looked like dog or little person. Put it and the books it might have touched in a seperate bag and had Bruce drop it off at the library. Kept 1 book because we hadn't read it yet, but it's still sitting on the shelf waiting for either a wipe, or an exposure. Right now I'm just ignoring it.
I've joined toastmasters and tonight is the first meeting of the season. I'm not giving a talk, but will have to soon. Probably in 2 weeks, unless the agenda person forgets to ask me and I can put it off another 2 weeks. :)
And then there was the 'big one', that happened last weekend while I was at my brother's house. Brother had gone out and while he was gone someone had vomited on the floor, so Other Brother and I went looking for paper towels to clean up the mess. I found some under the bathroom sink on top of a bunch of cleaners. (YUK, already contaminated by the cleaners- because cleaners have poisonous chemicals in them). Other Brother used them anyway but instead of putting them back into the cupboard, stuck them on an empy paper towel holder on the kitchen counter. I told him about my thots on that but he didn't agree with me (nicely) and left them there. When Brother came home, i told him about it too (you know, IN CASE he thot it was gros too, but he didn't either) and also left them there. I decided since it was his house, not to get upset, but to just tell my daughter NOT to touch them. Unfortunately I didn't get around to telling her fast enuf (because how often do kids really play with paper towels anyway?) Well that morning there was a spill and cousin gave Katrina one of THOSE paper towels to wipe it up with. Figures. So i told Katrina to wash her hands but before we got to the bathroom I changed my mind and told her not to bother. Why? Because if I made her wash her hands, I'd also have to go after cousin who also touched the paper towels and I couldn't do that because cousin's dad was Brother who said the paper towels were fine. So, in that case, I'd have to think the whole house was getting contaminated with cousin running around touching all sorts of stuff- toys, furniture Katrina etc. That would not be the best use of my brain. So Normal Brain told OCD Brain to knock it off. Normal Brain also figured out that by the time the vomit was cleaned up off the floor, all the paper towels left on the roll would be clean anyway, having not touched the cleaners. OCD Brain left, without a fight!!!!!!!!!!!!! And I got to enjoy the rest of my visit, rather than clocking all the things that everyone contaminated.
But in case you think my life is OCD free, my dad sent me some dvds that I haven't touched because he mentioned that sometime last year they had had mice. Or maybe I misunderstood and it was just 'in the past' they had had mice. Either way, their whole house is now contaminated and I don't want to touch anything until I find out when and where the mice were and how far that was from the dvd's he sent me. Problem is that I'm afraid to call him and ask, in case I learn more than I wanted to know because for some reason people LIKE to talk about their mouse problems to me. I just don't like to hear it. So Bruce is supposed to call and ask my dad all the questions and only tell me the relative parts of the conversation in case what he says gives me more Yuk's. Hasn't happened yet, so still haven't watched the dvd's. There are also pokemon cards and head phones that are sitting on top of a note he sent with the dvd's. They haven't been moved either.
Oh, and one of Katrina's library books had a piece bitten out of it. Naturally 'Mice' was my first thot, even tho some of the teeth marks looked like dog or little person. Put it and the books it might have touched in a seperate bag and had Bruce drop it off at the library. Kept 1 book because we hadn't read it yet, but it's still sitting on the shelf waiting for either a wipe, or an exposure. Right now I'm just ignoring it.
I've joined toastmasters and tonight is the first meeting of the season. I'm not giving a talk, but will have to soon. Probably in 2 weeks, unless the agenda person forgets to ask me and I can put it off another 2 weeks. :)
Tuesday, December 25, 2012
Holiday Greetings!
Happy Christmas & A Wonderful New Year!
Here are my Christmas decorations- a little late, since I don't know how to download off a camera and so had to wait til hubby did it.
Most of what's under the tree is for Katrina. Tom wanted cash and I am already wearing most of my 'gifts'. Bruce put Tom's cash into a dvd disk, a candy cane box (Tom spent a while figuring out how he did that- but it put a smile on his face) and other sundry small items.
Katrina on Christmas day
Me in my new Christmas clothes. Don't know if I'd like to live in India, but
I sure love their clothes and bright colours!
My sister made this card for me using stamps. I bot a frame and put it in!
Most of what's under the tree is for Katrina. Tom wanted cash and I am already wearing most of my 'gifts'. Bruce put Tom's cash into a dvd disk, a candy cane box (Tom spent a while figuring out how he did that- but it put a smile on his face) and other sundry small items.
Friday, December 07, 2012
Merry Christmas To All & To All An OCD & Anxiety-Free Holiday Season!
I wish!!
I've been working a lot (a bit) on my anxiety problems- or rather my lack of social skills. The goal is to learn to and be comfortable initiating conversations with strangers. First of all, i hardly know what to say to people- i don't watch the latest tv programs and don't know if the other person does either, i'm not much into sports teams and I feel that no-one will be interested in what I have to say anyway.
A lot of that comes from my childhood where i was picked on at home, school (until high school) and basically ignored at church when in my teens. I just played invisible. That way i didn't get much overt teasing.
So while at my daughter's ballet class i'm supposed to converse. And when I go to anywhere else too, Iguess. This wasn't working too well, as I don't know what to say to people I don't know, so I decided to go to Toastmasters.
Toastmasters is a non-profit organization where people come together to practise their public speaking and off-the-cuff speaking skills. I observed 2 groups. The first met in the evening and was smaller and everyone 'had' to participate in the off-the-cuff section. The second met at lunch time and people had to volunteer to speak because they had so many people attending. I chose to go to the evening one even tho I don't like driving in the dark because I know myself well enuf to know that if I have a choice to participate and make a fool of myself, I won't.
On Wed. evening they were going to have a Christmas Party after an hour's worth of meeting. I was thinking of skipping that (bringing a gift and all) but realized that there would be a perfect chance to chit-chat with a whole group of people I didn't know well. So I decided to go, not realizing it would be an OCD trigger too. OCD and Christmas don't mix in my book :).
Not too long before it was time to go, I was on the Toastmaster web site for my group and I read:
' bring a $10 new or gently used gift'. GENTLY USED???? That,piped up screamed OCD could mean someone bringing some thing that's been in their basement or attic for a year or more. If you're not USING it, it's not in your living room, I bet.... If it's in the basement, how do you know it's not near something mice have touched????? '
So now this fun evening was going to turn into an OCD event: When I went up to choose a gift, I had to wonder which ones were NEW, and which ones might have something gently used in it. Normal me is out of the picture and OCD is revving up the anxiety. Then I had to go to the pulpit, open it in front of everyone else and tell why it was 'the greatest gift ever'. That was the easy part after I realized I got a box of caramel popcorn. Pfew, It was NEW!!! Problem solved, right? Wrong.
After everyone had chosen a gift came the opportunity to steal. What if someone stole my 'new' gift, and i was left with something i couldn't tell was used or new- like a decoration/ ornament?? I certainly wasn't going to exchange my gift with anyone else!
Fast forward 2 days to today. I'd written out a bunch of Christmas cards that I stamped last night. Bruce was supposed to take them to the mailbox on his way to work this morning but he forgot. So I did. No big deal. Not until I put them into the mailbox. Then OCD showed up. Not BEFORE, when I could have thought about what I was going to do. Nope, it shows up just after I put the letters in the slot:
"You, know, Karin, the past owners of your house, the ones who left the mouse residue in your kitchen, could have put their letters in that very same mail slot you did. What are you going to do now????'
Well, it was too late to go into town to put them in another box or give them to a lady at the post office counter. If I was smarter I could have done that.
Then sane, rational mepiped up, no' spoke up calmly and said that those other people haven't been here in 4 years. Any mice issues that weren't resolved in our own mailbox ( I touch the mail from our own box, altho at one time I refused to for those same reasons above) would be DEAD by now, having been exposed to the elements for 3 more years after I decided that our particular mail box was just fine. (Well, that wasn't exactly a decision, it was my 'first' exposure and was very scary for me.)
So I touched the door handle to close it, put both hands on the steering wheel and drove back to my house (our mailbox is at the end of the road, a kilometre or so away). I am now sitting at the computer NOT having washed my hands, wondering if it's ok to wash before I touch all my stuff, or whether to contaminate my house further- or rather NOT contaminate it as NOTHING is wrong. Right?? Right? Right.
So Merry Christmas OCD... go suck eggs....Get samonella poisoning and stop bugging me.
I've been working a lot (a bit) on my anxiety problems- or rather my lack of social skills. The goal is to learn to and be comfortable initiating conversations with strangers. First of all, i hardly know what to say to people- i don't watch the latest tv programs and don't know if the other person does either, i'm not much into sports teams and I feel that no-one will be interested in what I have to say anyway.
A lot of that comes from my childhood where i was picked on at home, school (until high school) and basically ignored at church when in my teens. I just played invisible. That way i didn't get much overt teasing.
So while at my daughter's ballet class i'm supposed to converse. And when I go to anywhere else too, Iguess. This wasn't working too well, as I don't know what to say to people I don't know, so I decided to go to Toastmasters.
Toastmasters is a non-profit organization where people come together to practise their public speaking and off-the-cuff speaking skills. I observed 2 groups. The first met in the evening and was smaller and everyone 'had' to participate in the off-the-cuff section. The second met at lunch time and people had to volunteer to speak because they had so many people attending. I chose to go to the evening one even tho I don't like driving in the dark because I know myself well enuf to know that if I have a choice to participate and make a fool of myself, I won't.
On Wed. evening they were going to have a Christmas Party after an hour's worth of meeting. I was thinking of skipping that (bringing a gift and all) but realized that there would be a perfect chance to chit-chat with a whole group of people I didn't know well. So I decided to go, not realizing it would be an OCD trigger too. OCD and Christmas don't mix in my book :).
Not too long before it was time to go, I was on the Toastmaster web site for my group and I read:
' bring a $10 new or gently used gift'. GENTLY USED???? That,
So now this fun evening was going to turn into an OCD event: When I went up to choose a gift, I had to wonder which ones were NEW, and which ones might have something gently used in it. Normal me is out of the picture and OCD is revving up the anxiety. Then I had to go to the pulpit, open it in front of everyone else and tell why it was 'the greatest gift ever'. That was the easy part after I realized I got a box of caramel popcorn. Pfew, It was NEW!!! Problem solved, right? Wrong.
After everyone had chosen a gift came the opportunity to steal. What if someone stole my 'new' gift, and i was left with something i couldn't tell was used or new- like a decoration/ ornament?? I certainly wasn't going to exchange my gift with anyone else!
Fast forward 2 days to today. I'd written out a bunch of Christmas cards that I stamped last night. Bruce was supposed to take them to the mailbox on his way to work this morning but he forgot. So I did. No big deal. Not until I put them into the mailbox. Then OCD showed up. Not BEFORE, when I could have thought about what I was going to do. Nope, it shows up just after I put the letters in the slot:
"You, know, Karin, the past owners of your house, the ones who left the mouse residue in your kitchen, could have put their letters in that very same mail slot you did. What are you going to do now????'
Well, it was too late to go into town to put them in another box or give them to a lady at the post office counter. If I was smarter I could have done that.
Then sane, rational me
So I touched the door handle to close it, put both hands on the steering wheel and drove back to my house (our mailbox is at the end of the road, a kilometre or so away). I am now sitting at the computer NOT having washed my hands, wondering if it's ok to wash before I touch all my stuff, or whether to contaminate my house further- or rather NOT contaminate it as NOTHING is wrong. Right?? Right? Right.
So Merry Christmas OCD... go suck eggs....Get samonella poisoning and stop bugging me.
Monday, October 29, 2012
Why Is It That Mice Are Depicted as Cute Critters For Children's Story Books????
Well, this is it. I'm going to CLEAN my daughter's room. Shouldn't take more than an hour or so. So what's the catch?
A couple of months ago when we went to a pool party Katrina came home with some stuffed animals the 16yr old daughter of that family didn't want anymore. She was thrilled. I, of course, didn't think anything of it at the time Katrina first mentioned it but before we went home I had plenty of time to think. Like how a few yrs ago they'd had a mouse run thru one of the bedrooms. And what if... those stuffed animals were somehow in the way of that, or any other mouse. (As far as I know the mouse went to one of the boys bedrooms, but why let facts get in the way of a good ocd story?)
I was too chicken to tell my daughter she can't take the toys home because I didn't feel like arguing with her. And my arguement wasn't going to sound all that convincing anyway. Maybe it would have been better if I HAD argued. Maybe Katrina would have asked the teen or her mom... no, Katrina wouldn't have done that. She's too scared. Maybe they would have heard the screaming of Katrina when she was told to leave the toys, came over and heard the story and kyboshed it right then and there.
Nope. I thot I could handle my anxiety so I let her bring them in the van. I let her take them in the house. And that's as far as my kindness would go. In her room they became contaminated. (The van wasn't; don't ask me why not. Ocd that doesn't happen is fine by me.)
So being left on the floor, among all her other toys, they were ignored by me. I'd climb into her bed (uncontaminated) and read to her at night. I'd put her clean laundry away as the dresser wasn't too far into her room an d I could get there.
One time I tried to undo this whole thing with my husband there. Both he and I touched something. It didn't bother him and while I was with him it only bothered me a little. But the next morning it was back.
So why do something about it now? 2 reasons. First because my daughter's ballet suit is in the middle of the contaminated mess because I dropped it. Last week she wore a blue exercise suit instead but it'won't be long before they'll be complaining about how Katrina needs to wear the prescribed colours. And then what am i going to say? 'Sorry can't do that, it's contaminated' doesn't sound good when it's coming from an adult. And if they actually believed my house was contaminated I'd soon expect to see CPS at my door wondering why we lived (and kept a child) in a contamination zone.
Second, and more important reason is that Katrina is now sleeping with us because her bed is contaminated too. She pushed the blankets off one night, right onto one of THOSE stuffed animals. Bruce, being kind, put the comforter back on the bed when he checked on her. So then I wouldn't go near the bed either. She slept in her bed 2 nights ago because Bruce put her there after she fell asleep in our bed. I didn't like it but I had to live with it.
See, so this little story and the anxiety that goes with it is just screwing up too much of my life. I could just call and get the scoop on thse stuffed animals but that would also be embarassing. Bruce says there's nothing wrong with the toys- or her room, or her bed. It's time for me to deal with it.
So that's my plan fo r the afternoon.
Thot record:
Situation: above.
Anxiety: 85+%.
Hot thot: Will I be contaminating everything else after I come out of her room NOT having washed
stuff down with vinegar, or putting the blanket in the washer, or wiping off the books that crashed onto the floor and came from the library. Will I contaminate the rest of the house when I just wash my hands after windexing stuff that's supposed to be windexed- and that doesn't include the books or toys laying on the floor because if this weren't an ocd thing, i would just be picking them up,, right?
Evidence that my hot thot might be right: There was a mouse once so maybe it (or another mouse)
pooped on the stuffed animals.
The people in MY HOUSE who lived here before us never cleaned up the mouse droppings they had in the kitchen cupboards, nor the poison they used either. Cleaning that was gross. So you never know about people.
Evidence that my hot thot might be wrong: The above sounds ridiculous when I write it down.
The rest of the house was clean, so maybe any mice
droppings that were ever in the house would have been cleaned up.
Field mice aren't that dangerous?
There was no evidence of any mouse droppings on the toys or I'd never have let my daughter touch them, never mind bringing them home.
Anxiety: 45%
Will do it anyway while playing the Les Miserables dvd, to keep my mind off the anxiety and help me pretend it's a normal weekly pickup job.
Anyone want to come over and do it FOR me?????????????????????????
Update.
Well. I did it. My hand is shaking and I am hoping that since all I did was wash my hands and arms to my elbows, I won't think that my computer is contaminated. (It's sitting on my lap). I didn't change my clothes and i left the stuffed animals on Katrina's bed.
I'm listening to Les Mis, which always makes me cry; that way I have an excuse for crying. I mean it's not fun shoveling out a kid's room but it goes with the territory of 'mom'. But it shouldn't be 'achievement of the week'? Why do I let these 'stories' of mine take over my life? Do I somehow enjoy (need) the relief that finally comes when the anxiety finally goes down? Won't chocolate do the same trick, with less havoc to my nervous system???
I actually noticed some good things this week: I touched the knob of the dryer with my head while getting laundry out of it and I didn't go and wash my hair. That must mean I'm finally believing that wiping the dryer does keep it clean until the next time I do the washing when i wipe it again. That's the first step to not bothering to wipe it down every time I do a load of wash, just in case.
A couple of months ago when we went to a pool party Katrina came home with some stuffed animals the 16yr old daughter of that family didn't want anymore. She was thrilled. I, of course, didn't think anything of it at the time Katrina first mentioned it but before we went home I had plenty of time to think. Like how a few yrs ago they'd had a mouse run thru one of the bedrooms. And what if... those stuffed animals were somehow in the way of that, or any other mouse. (As far as I know the mouse went to one of the boys bedrooms, but why let facts get in the way of a good ocd story?)
I was too chicken to tell my daughter she can't take the toys home because I didn't feel like arguing with her. And my arguement wasn't going to sound all that convincing anyway. Maybe it would have been better if I HAD argued. Maybe Katrina would have asked the teen or her mom... no, Katrina wouldn't have done that. She's too scared. Maybe they would have heard the screaming of Katrina when she was told to leave the toys, came over and heard the story and kyboshed it right then and there.
Nope. I thot I could handle my anxiety so I let her bring them in the van. I let her take them in the house. And that's as far as my kindness would go. In her room they became contaminated. (The van wasn't; don't ask me why not. Ocd that doesn't happen is fine by me.)
So being left on the floor, among all her other toys, they were ignored by me. I'd climb into her bed (uncontaminated) and read to her at night. I'd put her clean laundry away as the dresser wasn't too far into her room an d I could get there.
One time I tried to undo this whole thing with my husband there. Both he and I touched something. It didn't bother him and while I was with him it only bothered me a little. But the next morning it was back.
So why do something about it now? 2 reasons. First because my daughter's ballet suit is in the middle of the contaminated mess because I dropped it. Last week she wore a blue exercise suit instead but it'won't be long before they'll be complaining about how Katrina needs to wear the prescribed colours. And then what am i going to say? 'Sorry can't do that, it's contaminated' doesn't sound good when it's coming from an adult. And if they actually believed my house was contaminated I'd soon expect to see CPS at my door wondering why we lived (and kept a child) in a contamination zone.
Second, and more important reason is that Katrina is now sleeping with us because her bed is contaminated too. She pushed the blankets off one night, right onto one of THOSE stuffed animals. Bruce, being kind, put the comforter back on the bed when he checked on her. So then I wouldn't go near the bed either. She slept in her bed 2 nights ago because Bruce put her there after she fell asleep in our bed. I didn't like it but I had to live with it.
See, so this little story and the anxiety that goes with it is just screwing up too much of my life. I could just call and get the scoop on thse stuffed animals but that would also be embarassing. Bruce says there's nothing wrong with the toys- or her room, or her bed. It's time for me to deal with it.
So that's my plan fo r the afternoon.
Thot record:
Situation: above.
Anxiety: 85+%.
Hot thot: Will I be contaminating everything else after I come out of her room NOT having washed
stuff down with vinegar, or putting the blanket in the washer, or wiping off the books that crashed onto the floor and came from the library. Will I contaminate the rest of the house when I just wash my hands after windexing stuff that's supposed to be windexed- and that doesn't include the books or toys laying on the floor because if this weren't an ocd thing, i would just be picking them up,, right?
Evidence that my hot thot might be right: There was a mouse once so maybe it (or another mouse)
pooped on the stuffed animals.
The people in MY HOUSE who lived here before us never cleaned up the mouse droppings they had in the kitchen cupboards, nor the poison they used either. Cleaning that was gross. So you never know about people.
Evidence that my hot thot might be wrong: The above sounds ridiculous when I write it down.
The rest of the house was clean, so maybe any mice
droppings that were ever in the house would have been cleaned up.
Field mice aren't that dangerous?
There was no evidence of any mouse droppings on the toys or I'd never have let my daughter touch them, never mind bringing them home.
Anxiety: 45%
Will do it anyway while playing the Les Miserables dvd, to keep my mind off the anxiety and help me pretend it's a normal weekly pickup job.
Anyone want to come over and do it FOR me?????????????????????????
Update.
Well. I did it. My hand is shaking and I am hoping that since all I did was wash my hands and arms to my elbows, I won't think that my computer is contaminated. (It's sitting on my lap). I didn't change my clothes and i left the stuffed animals on Katrina's bed.
I'm listening to Les Mis, which always makes me cry; that way I have an excuse for crying. I mean it's not fun shoveling out a kid's room but it goes with the territory of 'mom'. But it shouldn't be 'achievement of the week'? Why do I let these 'stories' of mine take over my life? Do I somehow enjoy (need) the relief that finally comes when the anxiety finally goes down? Won't chocolate do the same trick, with less havoc to my nervous system???
I actually noticed some good things this week: I touched the knob of the dryer with my head while getting laundry out of it and I didn't go and wash my hair. That must mean I'm finally believing that wiping the dryer does keep it clean until the next time I do the washing when i wipe it again. That's the first step to not bothering to wipe it down every time I do a load of wash, just in case.
Thursday, October 18, 2012
Symptom of My Anxiety Level
Last week at group meeting I noticed that I was rather quiet- could n't speak much. I was asked to 'tell about myself' to the new members of the group and I was so stunned that I couldn't remember anything about myself! My mind went blank. The facilitator had to prompt me by asking me to tell what brought me to the group. That direct quection was easy to answer. That was the extent of my talking. Except to say that I didn't do my goal of starting a conversation with a stranger. Another group member even commented on how quiet I was. All I said was something simple like 'I know'.
This meeting was in the middle of my FIL's visit and while I ''seemed' ok ( I didn't have physical symptoms of stress like sweating and such) I realized that my mind going blank and my inability to talk much must be MY way of showing my stress.
We have to tell everyone what our stress level for the week was ( between 1-100) and I said 45-50. So I actually took note of my stress level and then noticed the fact that I was non-vocal. I knew that talking is not my thing until I get to know someone well or get really comfortable. But this time I really noticed how much my verballness and my anxiety are related. Because I'm pretty comfortable at the meeting, so it wasn't 'fear' I was feeling- the normal anxiety people get when put in with a new group of people, so this must be related to my stress level.
I'll ask about this at the meeting this week.
This meeting was in the middle of my FIL's visit and while I ''seemed' ok ( I didn't have physical symptoms of stress like sweating and such) I realized that my mind going blank and my inability to talk much must be MY way of showing my stress.
We have to tell everyone what our stress level for the week was ( between 1-100) and I said 45-50. So I actually took note of my stress level and then noticed the fact that I was non-vocal. I knew that talking is not my thing until I get to know someone well or get really comfortable. But this time I really noticed how much my verballness and my anxiety are related. Because I'm pretty comfortable at the meeting, so it wasn't 'fear' I was feeling- the normal anxiety people get when put in with a new group of people, so this must be related to my stress level.
I'll ask about this at the meeting this week.
Wednesday, October 17, 2012
Grandpa's Visit
Update:
Things went very well with thanksgiving. Bruce said afterwards that it was a good thing he and his dad stayed at a nearby hotel because his dad needed more assistance than we realized (being 5 hours away means that when we see him it's usually for a few hours while we're eating or sitting and chatting so we don't see bed and bath routines etc.). Fortunately he's still mobile. Unfortunately it was rainy and cold so he and our daughter couldn't go fishing together.
Only a few ocd issues- bruce and dad had to walk near the garbage cans one day and I happened to see it. They didn't TOUCH them but I was anxious all the same. OTOH, I didn't make them wash just-in-case, so I'm more comfortable around garbage cans than I used to be. Oh, and Bruce HAD to show him the garage. That's not usually on my house tours, and it never occured to me to tell them to stay out of the garage ( did FIL brush by the garbage bin as they discussed the overhead pipe that has to be removed in order to get the garage door opener installed?). I did nothing except tell my concern to Bruce.
On the plus side Bruce and his dad got to spend lots of time together, Katrina got to know and be comfortable around her grandpa ( we moved when she was just 2, so she doesn't see him a lot anymore.) We had a nice thanksgiving dinner together on Monday. All of us went to the local museum which I thought was going to be boring, but instead it brought back lots of memories for grandpa which he shared, so Bruce got to know more about his dad's younger life. We tired him out :) !
I drove back south with the 2 of them which was fine until I (being bored) noticed grandpa's cap. It didn't look used, or worn but had the logo of his old business which he didn't have for at least 10 years, probably more now. That meant the hat was new. So my mind started working: was this cap in a box in the basement where mice could have come? Or worse, in the garage where mice actually were??? So now he was sitting in MY seat, touching MY door etc. with THAT cap. I quickly squashed the dread that was starting to come and tried to reason it out in my mind ( ie. a thot record):
#1: He hasn't been living in his house for 10 or more years so any mouse residue would be long gone and / or not effective anymore. Read NO GERMS. So nothing is wrong. Right??? Right?? Didn't work right away, but I had a long ride to sit with my anxiety and after 15 min or so I started to believe myself and the anxiety went away. I actually get rather proud of my 'accomplishment' to disolve an ocd attack. (Later I did ask Bruce where his dad might have kept the box of business baseball caps and he said on their fridge, not in the basement at all... but it was ok anyway).
This brings me to this week's topic. Ocd Talk did a post on the lonliness of ocd. And this kind of works in. When I'm proud of my accomplishments, I can't really share them with anyone except Bruce, or maybe my weekly group. It's not like I can just talk about my 'hard work' getting thots out of my head and everyone will congradulate me. In fact, they barely care... until I start asking them to wash, or not go there or something that makes the ocd visible. Out of sight, out of mind. Only not out of MY mind.
I know Bruce has talked to his sister and dad about the ocd, but I don't know exactly what he's said, except that I've improved a lot. Do they believe him? After all when I'm standing and talking to his sister or dad I don't show weird behaviors. Do they think I'm weird now? You know, mentally deranged but are just too polite to say that?
Things went very well with thanksgiving. Bruce said afterwards that it was a good thing he and his dad stayed at a nearby hotel because his dad needed more assistance than we realized (being 5 hours away means that when we see him it's usually for a few hours while we're eating or sitting and chatting so we don't see bed and bath routines etc.). Fortunately he's still mobile. Unfortunately it was rainy and cold so he and our daughter couldn't go fishing together.
Only a few ocd issues- bruce and dad had to walk near the garbage cans one day and I happened to see it. They didn't TOUCH them but I was anxious all the same. OTOH, I didn't make them wash just-in-case, so I'm more comfortable around garbage cans than I used to be. Oh, and Bruce HAD to show him the garage. That's not usually on my house tours, and it never occured to me to tell them to stay out of the garage ( did FIL brush by the garbage bin as they discussed the overhead pipe that has to be removed in order to get the garage door opener installed?). I did nothing except tell my concern to Bruce.
On the plus side Bruce and his dad got to spend lots of time together, Katrina got to know and be comfortable around her grandpa ( we moved when she was just 2, so she doesn't see him a lot anymore.) We had a nice thanksgiving dinner together on Monday. All of us went to the local museum which I thought was going to be boring, but instead it brought back lots of memories for grandpa which he shared, so Bruce got to know more about his dad's younger life. We tired him out :) !
I drove back south with the 2 of them which was fine until I (being bored) noticed grandpa's cap. It didn't look used, or worn but had the logo of his old business which he didn't have for at least 10 years, probably more now. That meant the hat was new. So my mind started working: was this cap in a box in the basement where mice could have come? Or worse, in the garage where mice actually were??? So now he was sitting in MY seat, touching MY door etc. with THAT cap. I quickly squashed the dread that was starting to come and tried to reason it out in my mind ( ie. a thot record):
#1: He hasn't been living in his house for 10 or more years so any mouse residue would be long gone and / or not effective anymore. Read NO GERMS. So nothing is wrong. Right??? Right?? Didn't work right away, but I had a long ride to sit with my anxiety and after 15 min or so I started to believe myself and the anxiety went away. I actually get rather proud of my 'accomplishment' to disolve an ocd attack. (Later I did ask Bruce where his dad might have kept the box of business baseball caps and he said on their fridge, not in the basement at all... but it was ok anyway).
This brings me to this week's topic. Ocd Talk did a post on the lonliness of ocd. And this kind of works in. When I'm proud of my accomplishments, I can't really share them with anyone except Bruce, or maybe my weekly group. It's not like I can just talk about my 'hard work' getting thots out of my head and everyone will congradulate me. In fact, they barely care... until I start asking them to wash, or not go there or something that makes the ocd visible. Out of sight, out of mind. Only not out of MY mind.
I know Bruce has talked to his sister and dad about the ocd, but I don't know exactly what he's said, except that I've improved a lot. Do they believe him? After all when I'm standing and talking to his sister or dad I don't show weird behaviors. Do they think I'm weird now? You know, mentally deranged but are just too polite to say that?
Thursday, October 04, 2012
It's Always Fun When Grandpa Comes.....
Unless you have anxiety disorders. Then it's stressful because you don't know what could happen. When my husband asked if his father could come for a visit, i said 'sure'. Because there was a very good chance that it wouldn't happen at all. Anyway, it was over 3 months away so it seemed ok. Not that I was doing a lot of planning that far in advance.
When it looked like it was going to work out after all I was still ok with it. Ocd was not acting out much, so I kind of forgot what it could be like. Then came the dog collecting my dirty socks from the basement floor and bringing them back into the living room and here was OCD wondering if the house would ever feel 'uncontaminated' again. I was anxious and i tried to clean what i could.
That's when I realized that Grandpa coming to visit may be very nice for my dh, and even my kids but for me it would be work and potentially anxiety-provoking. So one night Bruce and I had a long talk where we decided that having Grandpa sleep at a hotel would give both him and me breathing space. It would not be 24/hours a day company. It's not like we are good friends or anything. But I also wanted my husband to be able to spend time with his 84 yr old dad as,well, he's 84.
I don't know how much of my dislike of overnighters (altho I do let my dd have guests overnight) is because I'm introverted and like to have my space- or whether it's all due to OCD.
On the plus side, his dad wasn't insulted, Bruce will spend the nights with his dad at the hotel for extra male-bonding time ( and because FIL needs that extra care, as we found out by talking to the nurse at his assisted living place) and I don't have to clean up my daughter's room to make it ready for him as we have no guest rooms in our house. Bruce is away on a business trip for the week and Katrina is sleeping with me at night. She's getting tall and likes to sleep sideways and kick around in the bed so having all 3 of us sleep together probably wouldn't work out so well anymore anyway. (Sniff, sniff, my baby is growing up.)
It would be great if I were the type of person who would just say 'great, I'll add more potatoes to the pot' when people want to come over, but I'm not, and actually never really have been.
Hey, 4 years ago I would have freaked out even more because there would have been lots of places IN my house that were 'contaminated' and couldn't be touched and that there was no way I could have people just wandering around my house unsupervised. Now it's basically the laundry room that's off limits and don't go touching the garbage can with your hands if you can help it- altho the dogs brush against it and I live with that.
When it looked like it was going to work out after all I was still ok with it. Ocd was not acting out much, so I kind of forgot what it could be like. Then came the dog collecting my dirty socks from the basement floor and bringing them back into the living room and here was OCD wondering if the house would ever feel 'uncontaminated' again. I was anxious and i tried to clean what i could.
That's when I realized that Grandpa coming to visit may be very nice for my dh, and even my kids but for me it would be work and potentially anxiety-provoking. So one night Bruce and I had a long talk where we decided that having Grandpa sleep at a hotel would give both him and me breathing space. It would not be 24/hours a day company. It's not like we are good friends or anything. But I also wanted my husband to be able to spend time with his 84 yr old dad as,well, he's 84.
I don't know how much of my dislike of overnighters (altho I do let my dd have guests overnight) is because I'm introverted and like to have my space- or whether it's all due to OCD.
On the plus side, his dad wasn't insulted, Bruce will spend the nights with his dad at the hotel for extra male-bonding time ( and because FIL needs that extra care, as we found out by talking to the nurse at his assisted living place) and I don't have to clean up my daughter's room to make it ready for him as we have no guest rooms in our house. Bruce is away on a business trip for the week and Katrina is sleeping with me at night. She's getting tall and likes to sleep sideways and kick around in the bed so having all 3 of us sleep together probably wouldn't work out so well anymore anyway. (Sniff, sniff, my baby is growing up.)
It would be great if I were the type of person who would just say 'great, I'll add more potatoes to the pot' when people want to come over, but I'm not, and actually never really have been.
Hey, 4 years ago I would have freaked out even more because there would have been lots of places IN my house that were 'contaminated' and couldn't be touched and that there was no way I could have people just wandering around my house unsupervised. Now it's basically the laundry room that's off limits and don't go touching the garbage can with your hands if you can help it- altho the dogs brush against it and I live with that.
Tuesday, September 25, 2012
The past 2 weeks have been very stressful. I started going into Katrina's room (beyond the door/ dresser ) again and touched the stuffed animals that ocd says MAY have had mouse poop on them (haven't seen any, but that doesn't matter). Then i got into my bed. It was ok the night i did that because Bruce did it too. The next day I didn't feel too good about having done that, so I got new pyjamas out that evening.
I could just call my sister and see if there is any truth to the story I'm telling myself but am resisting doing that.
A few days ago i finally thought to myself that if I could tell myself a mouse-on- stuffed-animal story, I could also tell myself a different story. So I did. This story isn't as dramatic or anxiety-provoking. It goes like this: My niece wants to get rid of some of her stuff now that she's going into high school. She tells her mother and my sister tells her to put all the stuffed animals into the washer first to get them clean. She does and my daughter brings some of them home with her. The end.
It COULD have happened like that. :) It comes from inside my head, just like the original story does. So why don't i believe it? I have just as much reason to believe that story over the first one.
I DO go into Katrina's bed now with her to read to her again. Before I made her come into my bed and she'd get to fall asleep there instead. I let her pick up toys laying around that room while silently hoping they haven't touched the stuffed animals. But I haven't cleaned up her room yet, and it needs it. Sigh.
Then last Wed. I noticed that my ankle socks were in the living room. My husband said that Mieka was getting them out of my open drawer. Unfortunately I believed him. The next day and another pair of socks later i noticed that this 2nd pair seemed quite the same as the socks i'd worn to take out the garbage in. They were left on the floor in the basement ready to add into the next colour load.
Sure enough, the socks were gone from the basement. Now I had a choice: listen to OCD telling me how dirty the socks were and try to clean everything from the dog to the bed or ignore it. When i discovered a dirty sock in my bed the decision was made: clean. I washed the sheets and the blankets, picked up the living room and vacuumed it ( wiping down the vacuum cleaner afterwards) and wiping the dog's mouth and paws with water. I did NOT wash the dogs' blankets, nor give the dogs a bath, even tho ocd was telling me that would be a good idea. So I was still a bit anxious about the whole thing.
I liked it better when i felt my house was ocd free. But slowly i'm getting that feeling back.
Animals can be hazardess to my health. I guess, tho, in the long term, they are helping me. Even tho I don't want their help.
On a more positive note, I am only 50 books away from having read 1000 books (in my life) on goodreads.com. I have set myself the goal to get to 1000 by the end of the year- and the only picture books i can add are ones that I or Katrina find are exceptionally good. 50 books in 3months... it might be close! More novels and less mythology.
I could just call my sister and see if there is any truth to the story I'm telling myself but am resisting doing that.
A few days ago i finally thought to myself that if I could tell myself a mouse-on- stuffed-animal story, I could also tell myself a different story. So I did. This story isn't as dramatic or anxiety-provoking. It goes like this: My niece wants to get rid of some of her stuff now that she's going into high school. She tells her mother and my sister tells her to put all the stuffed animals into the washer first to get them clean. She does and my daughter brings some of them home with her. The end.
It COULD have happened like that. :) It comes from inside my head, just like the original story does. So why don't i believe it? I have just as much reason to believe that story over the first one.
I DO go into Katrina's bed now with her to read to her again. Before I made her come into my bed and she'd get to fall asleep there instead. I let her pick up toys laying around that room while silently hoping they haven't touched the stuffed animals. But I haven't cleaned up her room yet, and it needs it. Sigh.
Then last Wed. I noticed that my ankle socks were in the living room. My husband said that Mieka was getting them out of my open drawer. Unfortunately I believed him. The next day and another pair of socks later i noticed that this 2nd pair seemed quite the same as the socks i'd worn to take out the garbage in. They were left on the floor in the basement ready to add into the next colour load.
Sure enough, the socks were gone from the basement. Now I had a choice: listen to OCD telling me how dirty the socks were and try to clean everything from the dog to the bed or ignore it. When i discovered a dirty sock in my bed the decision was made: clean. I washed the sheets and the blankets, picked up the living room and vacuumed it ( wiping down the vacuum cleaner afterwards) and wiping the dog's mouth and paws with water. I did NOT wash the dogs' blankets, nor give the dogs a bath, even tho ocd was telling me that would be a good idea. So I was still a bit anxious about the whole thing.
I liked it better when i felt my house was ocd free. But slowly i'm getting that feeling back.
Animals can be hazardess to my health. I guess, tho, in the long term, they are helping me. Even tho I don't want their help.
On a more positive note, I am only 50 books away from having read 1000 books (in my life) on goodreads.com. I have set myself the goal to get to 1000 by the end of the year- and the only picture books i can add are ones that I or Katrina find are exceptionally good. 50 books in 3months... it might be close! More novels and less mythology.
Tuesday, August 21, 2012
My Dogs as OCD Treatment
One of Tina's posts gave me something to think about. She mentioned her pet cat as helping her and I thot of how our new doggies have helped me not succumb to ocd as often.
I didn't want to get a pet until the contamination ocd had been pushed back to a dull roar because your supposed to be a kind pet owner, not a freak-out artist. It was hard for me to let Katrina be a messy, free child. There were so many rooms/ items that were contaminated that i constantly had to watch out so she wouldn't accidently touch, fall over, knock down something that i didn't want touched. So much so, that i enrolled her in day care 2ce a week starting when she was 14 or 15 months old. She needed to learn that not everyone was afraid of the garbage can, the books, the car.
Not to mention that things became contaminated or uncontaminated too, so that what was bad yesterday was (thankfully) ok to touch today but then a room or chair that she could touch with impunity yesterday was unclean today... Only problem was, there was no outward sign that anything had changed. And she was a toddler!! I could yell "no, don't touch" and i MIGHT have said it in time for her to stop. Try that with a pet, tho! Pets don't get that the garbage can is untouchable just because life is 'better' for me if they don't. Tails just follow in the general path of the animal but they can swing or brush against an item the animal itself didn't touch. Screaming at the animal doesn't get them to stop either!
I needed to feel comfortable enough in my environment that i wouldn't give an animal cause to need therapy itself!
That finally happened this January!! I was finished with therapy and didn't base my life anymore on what I couldn't do, but on what I was able to do again.
So 2 dogs came into our life- Mieka, a 1 yr old husky/collie with a lot of pep, bounce and energy. Training not accompanied by a visible treat isn't worth doing. Then came Zoe, a 7 yr old golden retriever who is cuddly, sweet and doesn't need to be running around all the time.
When Mieka brushes her tail against the garbage can I hold my breath and tell myself the outside of the can is CLEAN- I've cleaned it at least a week ago! Breathe, and let the dog go on. Can't really explain it to her that I'd PREFER she keep her tail away from it. Well, I guess I could but the time and effort that would take doesn't appeal to me! (Sometimes being lazy is a good thing.)
One time I found Zoe laying under /beside the hanging laundry bags in a corner of our bedroom. I grabbed her and got her off (NOBODY touches the laundry poles, bags etc. without washing afterwards. Even tho laundry is not toxic-ly dirty.) However, I was in no mood to bath the dog, so I just let her sleep on the floor and decided to worry about it the next day. Even tho I didn't forget what she had done, again laziness helped me decide that cleaning the dog isn't as much fun as reading my book, so i just petted her on the bed and forgot about the series of contaminations- me, the bed, others who touch her etc.
Not being physically able to explain myself to the dogs has helped me deal with the anxiety instead of just telling someone to wash up...pleease.
Just an update re Katrina. Today I touched her on her back after eating a nectarine. She started whimpering when i told her I had NOT washed my hands. She wanted me to do that and then mentioned about her back needing to be cleaned. Instead I distracted her. I washed my hands so I could sit by her without a problem. We looked at a toy catalogue. After a little while I mentioned that she didn't seem to have a problem with her back anymore- the bad feelings had gone away. She said talking about it brought it all back to her but she never asked to have her back washed. I wanted her to know that sitting with dread doesn't really hurt physically, but gets rid of it instead. She insisted she doesn't have ocd!
They also make me get out to get some exercise. Cuddling them and brushing them relaxes me.
I didn't want to get a pet until the contamination ocd had been pushed back to a dull roar because your supposed to be a kind pet owner, not a freak-out artist. It was hard for me to let Katrina be a messy, free child. There were so many rooms/ items that were contaminated that i constantly had to watch out so she wouldn't accidently touch, fall over, knock down something that i didn't want touched. So much so, that i enrolled her in day care 2ce a week starting when she was 14 or 15 months old. She needed to learn that not everyone was afraid of the garbage can, the books, the car.
Not to mention that things became contaminated or uncontaminated too, so that what was bad yesterday was (thankfully) ok to touch today but then a room or chair that she could touch with impunity yesterday was unclean today... Only problem was, there was no outward sign that anything had changed. And she was a toddler!! I could yell "no, don't touch" and i MIGHT have said it in time for her to stop. Try that with a pet, tho! Pets don't get that the garbage can is untouchable just because life is 'better' for me if they don't. Tails just follow in the general path of the animal but they can swing or brush against an item the animal itself didn't touch. Screaming at the animal doesn't get them to stop either!
I needed to feel comfortable enough in my environment that i wouldn't give an animal cause to need therapy itself!
That finally happened this January!! I was finished with therapy and didn't base my life anymore on what I couldn't do, but on what I was able to do again.
So 2 dogs came into our life- Mieka, a 1 yr old husky/collie with a lot of pep, bounce and energy. Training not accompanied by a visible treat isn't worth doing. Then came Zoe, a 7 yr old golden retriever who is cuddly, sweet and doesn't need to be running around all the time.
When Mieka brushes her tail against the garbage can I hold my breath and tell myself the outside of the can is CLEAN- I've cleaned it at least a week ago! Breathe, and let the dog go on. Can't really explain it to her that I'd PREFER she keep her tail away from it. Well, I guess I could but the time and effort that would take doesn't appeal to me! (Sometimes being lazy is a good thing.)
One time I found Zoe laying under /beside the hanging laundry bags in a corner of our bedroom. I grabbed her and got her off (NOBODY touches the laundry poles, bags etc. without washing afterwards. Even tho laundry is not toxic-ly dirty.) However, I was in no mood to bath the dog, so I just let her sleep on the floor and decided to worry about it the next day. Even tho I didn't forget what she had done, again laziness helped me decide that cleaning the dog isn't as much fun as reading my book, so i just petted her on the bed and forgot about the series of contaminations- me, the bed, others who touch her etc.
Not being physically able to explain myself to the dogs has helped me deal with the anxiety instead of just telling someone to wash up...pleease.
Just an update re Katrina. Today I touched her on her back after eating a nectarine. She started whimpering when i told her I had NOT washed my hands. She wanted me to do that and then mentioned about her back needing to be cleaned. Instead I distracted her. I washed my hands so I could sit by her without a problem. We looked at a toy catalogue. After a little while I mentioned that she didn't seem to have a problem with her back anymore- the bad feelings had gone away. She said talking about it brought it all back to her but she never asked to have her back washed. I wanted her to know that sitting with dread doesn't really hurt physically, but gets rid of it instead. She insisted she doesn't have ocd!
They also make me get out to get some exercise. Cuddling them and brushing them relaxes me.
An Apple A Day Keeps... Katrina.?!.. Away
Our daughter, Katrina has always been sensitive to smells, tastes and loud noises. It was something I just thought she'd outgrow as she got older and more exposed to things. She does not eat any fruits or veggies. She will eat strawberry jam and strawberry bars and drink grape and apple juices. But this doesn't convert to real apples or strawberries. Weird, but I figured she'd outgrow it one year.
But now it's gotten worse. If I have an apple in my hand I am told to wash my hands before i touch her or her stuff. Today ate a raw carrot and then touseled her hair. She cried and said she has to wash her hair. But i didn't see her go to the bathroom so i thought i'd wait a while then ask her if the feelings inside of her had calmed down, thus demonstrating that ocd is conquered by NOT doing what it says. When i said this to her, she told me she DID wash her hair. She took a spray bottle filled with water from her vet kit and sprayed her hair. Not exactly a 'wash' by my standards but it seemed to make her feel better.
She will run away from someone with fruit or veggies in their hands. The dog had a grape in her mouth this morning and she ran away from her long after my son removed the grape from the dog.
In school she would sometimes not eat her lunch because the kids beside her had fruit or veggies. I insisteed she must eat lunch.
When I mentioned to the doctor that she was starting to wash her hands/ want me to wash mine when I had eaten an apple before i was allowed to touch her computer, all he mentioned was that computers are dirty and it's ok for her to want others to wash before they touch it. Is 6 too early for ocd? Sometimes I wonder if she is faking it but her screaming and running in fright seem really genuine. And it is EVERY time I have fruit / veggies that she bugs me, not sporatically as if she's just remembered to do it.
I didn't have contamination ocd- or any other, I don't think- at that young age. Did any of you? Is it time to call a psychologist?? I'm not sure about how I should deal with it. ERP for a 6 yr old seems like cruel and unusual punishment- do they have less horrific ways of dealing with it in children, since they aren't as entrenched yet??
...Or do I just entertain myself by chasing her around the house with fruit? lol. (I know, it's not funny to have ocd esp. at that young age but the thought has crossed my mind a few times)
But now it's gotten worse. If I have an apple in my hand I am told to wash my hands before i touch her or her stuff. Today ate a raw carrot and then touseled her hair. She cried and said she has to wash her hair. But i didn't see her go to the bathroom so i thought i'd wait a while then ask her if the feelings inside of her had calmed down, thus demonstrating that ocd is conquered by NOT doing what it says. When i said this to her, she told me she DID wash her hair. She took a spray bottle filled with water from her vet kit and sprayed her hair. Not exactly a 'wash' by my standards but it seemed to make her feel better.
She will run away from someone with fruit or veggies in their hands. The dog had a grape in her mouth this morning and she ran away from her long after my son removed the grape from the dog.
In school she would sometimes not eat her lunch because the kids beside her had fruit or veggies. I insisteed she must eat lunch.
When I mentioned to the doctor that she was starting to wash her hands/ want me to wash mine when I had eaten an apple before i was allowed to touch her computer, all he mentioned was that computers are dirty and it's ok for her to want others to wash before they touch it. Is 6 too early for ocd? Sometimes I wonder if she is faking it but her screaming and running in fright seem really genuine. And it is EVERY time I have fruit / veggies that she bugs me, not sporatically as if she's just remembered to do it.
I didn't have contamination ocd- or any other, I don't think- at that young age. Did any of you? Is it time to call a psychologist?? I'm not sure about how I should deal with it. ERP for a 6 yr old seems like cruel and unusual punishment- do they have less horrific ways of dealing with it in children, since they aren't as entrenched yet??
...Or do I just entertain myself by chasing her around the house with fruit? lol. (I know, it's not funny to have ocd esp. at that young age but the thought has crossed my mind a few times)
Saturday, August 11, 2012
Camping is for the Ducks...and the Bears!
We had a LOT of rain at Algonquin the past 10 days. We did manage to spend 2 afternoons at the beach. But by yesterday we were all getting frustrated at the constant rain. They lifted the fire ban going on in the Algonquin park as the temperature was dropping too. Good thing Bruce brought the space heater along, or the tent would have been damp and cold all week. I just ignored the heater for the first couple of days he had it in the tent. It came from Bruce's dad, thus full of ocd. Fortunately I'm good at ignoring the elephant in the room. When I finally asked Bruce if he cleaned the heater, he said yes, he did. So all the things touched by the cord were still ok...That is if he wiped the cord down too. Haven't asked that question. :)
Wednesday we had face painters from the area come down and do all our faces. It was fun for everyone. Unfortunately tho, that was one of the few sunny days, so they got washed off pretty quickly when the kids went swimming.
This year i did not put up a basin of water at the camp site for all my extra handwashing. There was a jug of water and some soap if needed. Having a basin full of water last year made it easy for me to just quickly give them a wash. It didn't waste water. This year i didn't feel i needed that crutch. After all camping is living in/ with dirt!
The kids had a great time. They didn't mind running around in the rain. They made boats and sailed them in the river behind the camp sites, did flower pictures with my dad, ate lots of ice cream and fed the chipmonks. Katrina lost 2 teeth at camp!
My sister took a holey tarp to the garbage bins and the next time I saw her, she was helping with taking down our tarps. I'm guessing she didn't wash her hands between the activities, but instead of getting upset, I just let it slide off my back. I'm sure by next year any germs will be dead in the bin! I also let black garbage bags touch my legs as i was carrying them to the garbage bins and didn't change my clothes. I did wash my hands. I left a rubbermaid bin we were using as a garbage bag holder by the garbage as Ididn't want to take it home without cleaning it, even tho I probably should have. Ocd won that one. Bruce said I didn't have to bring it home, tho. :).
Our pictures show us laughing and having fun, so it wasn't all rained out. Better luck next year!!
PS. Tom took the dogs home after 2 days so they missed the really rainy, dirty ground.
Thursday, August 02, 2012
A' Camping We Will Go
You'd think OCD would have a picnic with me out camping. But actually it doesn't. Not anymore. I remember a few yrs ago Bruce and I spent a couple of days in a cute little cabin in the Algonquin area. Ocd ran that holiday. It was brutal. And I was INSIDE most of the time, not out where the dirt actually is. Thank goodness it's not anywhere near that bad anymore.
I will be fine until next Wednesday when my parents arrive. Then I'll see how it goes. I have told myself a story that my parents have mice in their basement/ house. My dad will be bringing dried flowers and picture frames *probably* coming from somewhere in their basement. So far i've told myself that any mice living there are probably feasting on a pile of wheat they have stored down there, so they are 'clean' mice, with no disease. I could probably ask my dad if they have mice, but if he says no, i won't believe it anyway, so what's the point. But why worry about something that's not going to happen for almost a week?
We are also taking the 2 dogs, so that will be a little stressful for me until everyone settles into a routine. We bought a huge tent; no more falling over the mattress, trying to get dressed. It's the biggest tent we've ever owned. I also packed a pile of books- can't leave home without those!!!. I prepared some meals already and froze them so i don't have to cook/ clean up so much.
We hired some face painters to come and paint all the kids and adults. It's our birthday presents to all the kids. 4 out of my 5 siblings will come with their kids. We take up a cul-de-sac and so the kids can run freely from one site to the next.
I hope all of you are enjoying your summer!!
Below: (2011) Me sleeping with my owl face still painted on my head. Bruce thot i was awake, staring at hime with the yellow eyes!
Sunday, July 29, 2012
Summer Holidays
I thot i'd only missed a month of blogging. Then i looked at my last blog and realized it's been almost 3 months!!!
And when i started this post, i realized that my chicken soup broth should be drained from the bones so I can put it in the fridge. And my laundry needs to be taken out of the washer and put into the dryer but I can't do that until i empty the dryer of the last load, but i can't do that until i empty the laundry basket out. And after that i'll be to tired to blog...again.
So tonight i'll put blogging ahead of my chores. I'd like to say i was on vacation but i haven't been. Except that it IS school vacation so i have a 6 yr old bored child around the house. I've finally put her on facebook so she can play her dragon game with me as a friend (why do these games need you invite all your 'friends' to play in order for the game to continue working? ) That way she could get some levels or dragons or whatever it is she needed.
We tried going swimming. That was going to be my weight loss program for the summer,exercise- wise. That worked for 2 or 3 days. She even made a friend at the lake. And I chit-chatted with her mother. Then one friday morning we both ended up looking like we had chicken pox . After spending 2 1/2 hrs at the clinic, it was confirmed that we had swimmer's itch. Itch being the operative word here! A couple of benedryl pills/ spoonfuls later it got better. But Katrina didn't like the taste of the benedryl so now i have real expensive medicine at home that she did NOT use much of. Result: she won't go swimming in the lake anymore and i'm not spending the money at the YMCA every day and sothere went my entertainment for the afternoons. Unfortunately we are out in the country; she doesn't have lots of next-door playmates to work off her energy with.
Katrina also has this little 'quirk'. She does not eat veggies or fruit. Hasn't since she was a toddler. Big bummer for me, since i like fruit and fruit is a healthy snack. It didn't matter so much when i was in the throws of ocd as i wasn't cooking much. Bruce would have to do that when he got home from work cause i was afraid of the kitchen- it didn't get cleaned before we moved into the semi. And then when we moved from the semi to this house we didn't have a kitchen (karin literally pitched it out the door because she found mouse crap in the drawers and had a fit) so we ate a lot of tv dinners. OCD had my life; what kd didn't want to eat was way down at the bottom of the list of things to worry about. After all toddlers/ preschoolers LIKE to eat the same foods for weeks on end, right? Unfortunately she hasn't outgrown this problem. In fact, it's gotten worse. She now will not even touch a fruit/ veggie! At first i thot it was just apple cores she didn't want to be near. Nope, it's the whole idea of a fruit/ veggie near her that bugs her. She's even gone so far as to NOT eat her lunch because someone beside her is eating veggies/ fruit! So I've been explaining this concern to various health care/ social workers. One Kid's Place has occupational therapists who deal with 'picky' eaters. They will be getting back to me this week as to strategies to improve her eating. The pediatrician says she's still within normal weight/ height ranges so except suggesting a protein drink for her, we don't have to go back there. Problem: she won't drink the protein drink as she doesn't like the taste. If i buy another kind, and she won't drink THAT, then i've got more stuff in my cupboards that are a waste of money. She has gone so far that she will insist i wash my hands if i've touched an apple before i touch her computer (never mind herself) Does this sound like anything else we know???? Like OCD maybe??? Who ever heard of a kid afraid of an apple. That's right. I don't have to scare her using tales of monsters and boogie men. I just put an apple in front of her and she goes into fright mode!
About a month after we got Mieka, we acquired another dog. A 7 yr old well-trained golden retriever. So now we have 2 dogs. And they are best friends, right? Wrong. The dog fights have been getting less, tho, and they are playing together more. Each is trying for 'top dog' status. Or rather Mieka is, and Zoe, being older and just as big, isn't playing along. Now they HAVE been teaching each other their own bad habits! Mieka likes to chew up stuff- wood, cardboard, plastic. Zoe now also chews stuff up. Just not as much. So every day or so i get to sweep up a room full of trash: ripped up kleenex boxes, kleenexes, toys that didn't get put away and so on. And they DO have a bunch of doggie chew toys, ropes, puppets ( stuffed animals were ripped open and de-stuffed). They just prefer wood and cardboard.
Zoey likes to bark. Mieka is not a barker. Zoe barks at every car going by. This gets Mieka all riled up and she runs to the window to see what is going on. Funny tho. If Zoe sees a car while she is OUTSIDE, she doesn't bark!!
They are fun to watch and play with and brush and if we take them for a walk in the morning, they will sleep well for a couple of hours in the afternoon. Obedience classes start in a couple of weeks. Mieka really needs them. She's ok at sit and down but heel and come have a long way to go. So does the potty training.
So that is the chaotic state of my house this summer! Kd won't do the lessons the speech therapist mailed us, neither is she interested in me reading to her during the day. She loves that i do it before she goes to bed but during the day she 'hates' books.
I still need a LOT of sleep every night- 10 - 12 hrs, so that cuts down my day time activities. If i get up early i feel groggy and tired all day. I talked to the pharmasist and she says the clomipramine pills STILL do that to me. I am now taking them around 4 in the afternoon, and i'm not sleeping til noon every day anymore. I'm going to keep back-tracking the pills until i'm taking them at lunch. Then hopefully they will be wearing off by the next day around 8 instead of 10 am.
Ontario put in this new energy saving program where electricity is cheaper at night. So now instead of doing my laundry etc. during the day, i get to wait til 7pm and do it at night. Fortunately i have a huge washer, so this doesn't happen EVERY night. The alternating nights, i get to do the dishes! Lucky me! Laundry still has an ocd ritual attached to it but it's only a 10 min. thing so for now i'm leaving it. Then when my washer konks out (which will be in 20 years because i want it to go next week!) i can get one that loads on top instead of the side. That's what i origonally intended to buy but OCD saw the sanitizer button on the front loader and wanted it. So what could i do?? I bought that machine instead but have NEVER used the sanitizer button- and never intend to. Can't imagine what that will lead to if i ever do that once!!
Oh, my computer busted last week. Well, it started smelling like it was burning and the guy at the store said it would cost $500 bucks to fix it, and i should buy a new one instead. Now i HATE switching all my stuff from one computer to another and I bought one 2 yrs ago, hoping it will work well and last a looong time- and unlike my washer, it busts. Of course, it's actually working now that i have a new one. But supposedly it could go dead at any time and i'd lose all my stuff. That is not on my list of 'things i'd like to experience', so i spent $500 on a computer and another $500 on the extended warranties/ load up stuff. Not that I have that kind of cash laying around. Just add that to my bill and I can worry about how to pay it off.
I got my first give-away book from goodreads a couple of weeks ago. It's called Y. About an adopted child who goes looking for her real parents. Was neither sappy-mushy nor girl-out-to-destroy-herself-because-she-was-adopted. Review got posted on goodreads.com.
As for the OCD/ therapy weekly sessions, that was going well. We got into how to find out our core beliefs and how to change them. Then sessions stopped for the summer. But in order to keep up our healty gains, we had to write down the things we needed to do to keep on a positive note and then check the ones we did each night.
My list:
Healthy eating. The idea of it on my chart is that healthy eating is supposed to make me feel good/ upbeat. I'm working on more of a vegan diet with less or no meat but it's not going perfectly well. Salads got old and boring fast! I like the fruit eating, and snacking on carrots or nuts or apples is no problem. But meat keeps sneaking in there somehow. Not a lot, but every once in a while it ends up in the grocery cart. And with Kd's no fruit, no veggie strike, she needs to eat meat- i think??
Today i saw chicken on sale, so bot 2, cooked them and put some away for kd's meals that i can just defrost later and some away for a camp meal next week and of course ate some tonight. I did also buy fresh beans tho, and am eating them out of the bag. Have also been making fruit and veggie drinks in the blender. And then I slacked off on the veggie drinks because they aren't as tasty as the fruit drinks.
Play. Play helps to relax us and decreases stress. Also not something I'm good at. Even tho Ihave a 6 yr old. I just am not interested in playing 'little pet shop' or 'my little pony'. Playing with the dogs also counts.
Chores. Keeping up to date with household chores by doing a little every day rather than waiting til the house looks like a bomb has hit it. Me, i'm the bomb- waiter, esp. as I got OCD and didn't want to touch the cleaners. I'm over that now, but still would rather read or sleep than clean up the kitchen or do laundry, or tidy the living room (again!) OTOH, I can't stand living in a slobby room. I just get more and more irritable until i finally tidy/ clean it up again. So this is a biggie for me. Not that I don't do it, but it is SO important that I keep up with my housework I stuck it on my list anyway. (And besides that, it is easier for me to DO the housework, knowing I get to put a checkmark beside it at the end of the day.)
Do something to attack OCD or do NOT give in to an OCD desire. That one comes from the OCD book that says to always be vigilant and pro-active with OCD, so that it doesn't sneek in to my life thru the back door a little at a time. Knowing I get to check off if I don't give in to an OCD wish helps me to stay strong.
Laugh: A good belly laugh is great for staying upbeat. True. I like to laugh but wasn't sure how often I did it so I put that one on the list.
Socialize. Something I'm kind of bad at. I CAN socialize. I just often don't see the need or would rather just stay to myself than make the effort to talk to strangers. It was a step to trusting people/ making friends. So I thot I better keep that one to remind me to do it!
Other things people could choose from included: taking meds daily, pet an animal, work on a hobby, write a gratitude journal daily... These are all things I don't have a problem doing, so I didn't feel the need to keep track of them on a daily basis. My hobby is reading, and not reading daily means my life was just too crazy or I'm not breathing. I guess I should have added in blogging/ journaling because obviously I'm not doing too well at that, either. Every so often I DID look at other bloggers posts and respond to them. Just didn't feel like writing my own. And the longer I didn't do it, the more I didn't want to or there was some chore that needed to get done. Until tonight when I decided it NEEDED to be done. And I think I will add it onto my list. It's that important.
And when i started this post, i realized that my chicken soup broth should be drained from the bones so I can put it in the fridge. And my laundry needs to be taken out of the washer and put into the dryer but I can't do that until i empty the dryer of the last load, but i can't do that until i empty the laundry basket out. And after that i'll be to tired to blog...again.
So tonight i'll put blogging ahead of my chores. I'd like to say i was on vacation but i haven't been. Except that it IS school vacation so i have a 6 yr old bored child around the house. I've finally put her on facebook so she can play her dragon game with me as a friend (why do these games need you invite all your 'friends' to play in order for the game to continue working? ) That way she could get some levels or dragons or whatever it is she needed.
We tried going swimming. That was going to be my weight loss program for the summer,exercise- wise. That worked for 2 or 3 days. She even made a friend at the lake. And I chit-chatted with her mother. Then one friday morning we both ended up looking like we had chicken pox . After spending 2 1/2 hrs at the clinic, it was confirmed that we had swimmer's itch. Itch being the operative word here! A couple of benedryl pills/ spoonfuls later it got better. But Katrina didn't like the taste of the benedryl so now i have real expensive medicine at home that she did NOT use much of. Result: she won't go swimming in the lake anymore and i'm not spending the money at the YMCA every day and sothere went my entertainment for the afternoons. Unfortunately we are out in the country; she doesn't have lots of next-door playmates to work off her energy with.
Katrina also has this little 'quirk'. She does not eat veggies or fruit. Hasn't since she was a toddler. Big bummer for me, since i like fruit and fruit is a healthy snack. It didn't matter so much when i was in the throws of ocd as i wasn't cooking much. Bruce would have to do that when he got home from work cause i was afraid of the kitchen- it didn't get cleaned before we moved into the semi. And then when we moved from the semi to this house we didn't have a kitchen (karin literally pitched it out the door because she found mouse crap in the drawers and had a fit) so we ate a lot of tv dinners. OCD had my life; what kd didn't want to eat was way down at the bottom of the list of things to worry about. After all toddlers/ preschoolers LIKE to eat the same foods for weeks on end, right? Unfortunately she hasn't outgrown this problem. In fact, it's gotten worse. She now will not even touch a fruit/ veggie! At first i thot it was just apple cores she didn't want to be near. Nope, it's the whole idea of a fruit/ veggie near her that bugs her. She's even gone so far as to NOT eat her lunch because someone beside her is eating veggies/ fruit! So I've been explaining this concern to various health care/ social workers. One Kid's Place has occupational therapists who deal with 'picky' eaters. They will be getting back to me this week as to strategies to improve her eating. The pediatrician says she's still within normal weight/ height ranges so except suggesting a protein drink for her, we don't have to go back there. Problem: she won't drink the protein drink as she doesn't like the taste. If i buy another kind, and she won't drink THAT, then i've got more stuff in my cupboards that are a waste of money. She has gone so far that she will insist i wash my hands if i've touched an apple before i touch her computer (never mind herself) Does this sound like anything else we know???? Like OCD maybe??? Who ever heard of a kid afraid of an apple. That's right. I don't have to scare her using tales of monsters and boogie men. I just put an apple in front of her and she goes into fright mode!
About a month after we got Mieka, we acquired another dog. A 7 yr old well-trained golden retriever. So now we have 2 dogs. And they are best friends, right? Wrong. The dog fights have been getting less, tho, and they are playing together more. Each is trying for 'top dog' status. Or rather Mieka is, and Zoe, being older and just as big, isn't playing along. Now they HAVE been teaching each other their own bad habits! Mieka likes to chew up stuff- wood, cardboard, plastic. Zoe now also chews stuff up. Just not as much. So every day or so i get to sweep up a room full of trash: ripped up kleenex boxes, kleenexes, toys that didn't get put away and so on. And they DO have a bunch of doggie chew toys, ropes, puppets ( stuffed animals were ripped open and de-stuffed). They just prefer wood and cardboard.
Zoey likes to bark. Mieka is not a barker. Zoe barks at every car going by. This gets Mieka all riled up and she runs to the window to see what is going on. Funny tho. If Zoe sees a car while she is OUTSIDE, she doesn't bark!!
They are fun to watch and play with and brush and if we take them for a walk in the morning, they will sleep well for a couple of hours in the afternoon. Obedience classes start in a couple of weeks. Mieka really needs them. She's ok at sit and down but heel and come have a long way to go. So does the potty training.
So that is the chaotic state of my house this summer! Kd won't do the lessons the speech therapist mailed us, neither is she interested in me reading to her during the day. She loves that i do it before she goes to bed but during the day she 'hates' books.
I still need a LOT of sleep every night- 10 - 12 hrs, so that cuts down my day time activities. If i get up early i feel groggy and tired all day. I talked to the pharmasist and she says the clomipramine pills STILL do that to me. I am now taking them around 4 in the afternoon, and i'm not sleeping til noon every day anymore. I'm going to keep back-tracking the pills until i'm taking them at lunch. Then hopefully they will be wearing off by the next day around 8 instead of 10 am.
Ontario put in this new energy saving program where electricity is cheaper at night. So now instead of doing my laundry etc. during the day, i get to wait til 7pm and do it at night. Fortunately i have a huge washer, so this doesn't happen EVERY night. The alternating nights, i get to do the dishes! Lucky me! Laundry still has an ocd ritual attached to it but it's only a 10 min. thing so for now i'm leaving it. Then when my washer konks out (which will be in 20 years because i want it to go next week!) i can get one that loads on top instead of the side. That's what i origonally intended to buy but OCD saw the sanitizer button on the front loader and wanted it. So what could i do?? I bought that machine instead but have NEVER used the sanitizer button- and never intend to. Can't imagine what that will lead to if i ever do that once!!
Oh, my computer busted last week. Well, it started smelling like it was burning and the guy at the store said it would cost $500 bucks to fix it, and i should buy a new one instead. Now i HATE switching all my stuff from one computer to another and I bought one 2 yrs ago, hoping it will work well and last a looong time- and unlike my washer, it busts. Of course, it's actually working now that i have a new one. But supposedly it could go dead at any time and i'd lose all my stuff. That is not on my list of 'things i'd like to experience', so i spent $500 on a computer and another $500 on the extended warranties/ load up stuff. Not that I have that kind of cash laying around. Just add that to my bill and I can worry about how to pay it off.
I got my first give-away book from goodreads a couple of weeks ago. It's called Y. About an adopted child who goes looking for her real parents. Was neither sappy-mushy nor girl-out-to-destroy-herself-because-she-was-adopted. Review got posted on goodreads.com.
As for the OCD/ therapy weekly sessions, that was going well. We got into how to find out our core beliefs and how to change them. Then sessions stopped for the summer. But in order to keep up our healty gains, we had to write down the things we needed to do to keep on a positive note and then check the ones we did each night.
My list:
Healthy eating. The idea of it on my chart is that healthy eating is supposed to make me feel good/ upbeat. I'm working on more of a vegan diet with less or no meat but it's not going perfectly well. Salads got old and boring fast! I like the fruit eating, and snacking on carrots or nuts or apples is no problem. But meat keeps sneaking in there somehow. Not a lot, but every once in a while it ends up in the grocery cart. And with Kd's no fruit, no veggie strike, she needs to eat meat- i think??
Today i saw chicken on sale, so bot 2, cooked them and put some away for kd's meals that i can just defrost later and some away for a camp meal next week and of course ate some tonight. I did also buy fresh beans tho, and am eating them out of the bag. Have also been making fruit and veggie drinks in the blender. And then I slacked off on the veggie drinks because they aren't as tasty as the fruit drinks.
Play. Play helps to relax us and decreases stress. Also not something I'm good at. Even tho Ihave a 6 yr old. I just am not interested in playing 'little pet shop' or 'my little pony'. Playing with the dogs also counts.
Chores. Keeping up to date with household chores by doing a little every day rather than waiting til the house looks like a bomb has hit it. Me, i'm the bomb- waiter, esp. as I got OCD and didn't want to touch the cleaners. I'm over that now, but still would rather read or sleep than clean up the kitchen or do laundry, or tidy the living room (again!) OTOH, I can't stand living in a slobby room. I just get more and more irritable until i finally tidy/ clean it up again. So this is a biggie for me. Not that I don't do it, but it is SO important that I keep up with my housework I stuck it on my list anyway. (And besides that, it is easier for me to DO the housework, knowing I get to put a checkmark beside it at the end of the day.)
Do something to attack OCD or do NOT give in to an OCD desire. That one comes from the OCD book that says to always be vigilant and pro-active with OCD, so that it doesn't sneek in to my life thru the back door a little at a time. Knowing I get to check off if I don't give in to an OCD wish helps me to stay strong.
Laugh: A good belly laugh is great for staying upbeat. True. I like to laugh but wasn't sure how often I did it so I put that one on the list.
Socialize. Something I'm kind of bad at. I CAN socialize. I just often don't see the need or would rather just stay to myself than make the effort to talk to strangers. It was a step to trusting people/ making friends. So I thot I better keep that one to remind me to do it!
Other things people could choose from included: taking meds daily, pet an animal, work on a hobby, write a gratitude journal daily... These are all things I don't have a problem doing, so I didn't feel the need to keep track of them on a daily basis. My hobby is reading, and not reading daily means my life was just too crazy or I'm not breathing. I guess I should have added in blogging/ journaling because obviously I'm not doing too well at that, either. Every so often I DID look at other bloggers posts and respond to them. Just didn't feel like writing my own. And the longer I didn't do it, the more I didn't want to or there was some chore that needed to get done. Until tonight when I decided it NEEDED to be done. And I think I will add it onto my list. It's that important.
Monday, April 30, 2012
We found a Dog!
I'm so excited. Yesterday we found our new dog! She was tied up but didn't get aggressive or protective when we went over to touch her. She let our 5 yr. old touch her too, so Katrina isn't afraid of her.
We pick her up later this week. So now I'm all flustered. I need to get dog stuff, find a vet, find a groomer for the day we pick her up etc. Fortunately it's not anxiety anxious. Just the 'i don't know what to do first' excitement. Maybe first i should sweep the kitchen floor so the dog doesn't think her main job will be to scrounge dropped popcorn.
I had looked for vets already. There is one near our house who makes house calls. That's when i 'remembered' that one thing i liked about going to the vet's before was LEAVING. It was all clean when i went in and whatever they did to clean up after my visit was not my problem. I DO have issues about chemicals and such. This vet will do vaccinations etc., even small surgeries at my house which sounds ok cause then i don't have to be around sick animals but will he put his used syringe on my carpet? Will he open the front door after using a syringe without washing his hands? When he comes, will he have clean hands or will he have just finished disecting some other animal's poop and then come calling at my house?
He says all he needs is a table and a sink (laundry is ok.) But my laundry sink is 'dirty' even tho it's been cleaned. I wanted Bruce to get rid of it long ago and put a clean sink in, one that actually looks clean when it is cleaned. One that won't leak rust on the floor. Another expense.
It would be a great ERP exposure, or it would make me go nuts. Problem is I won't know which until I do it, but that will be too late. Should i just play it safe and find a vet to go to? It would be nice tho, to not have to pick up dog poop and put it in my car and bring it to the vet. This way i could just leave it outside and the vet could pick it up on his way to the car. Any suggestions?
We pick her up later this week. So now I'm all flustered. I need to get dog stuff, find a vet, find a groomer for the day we pick her up etc. Fortunately it's not anxiety anxious. Just the 'i don't know what to do first' excitement. Maybe first i should sweep the kitchen floor so the dog doesn't think her main job will be to scrounge dropped popcorn.
I had looked for vets already. There is one near our house who makes house calls. That's when i 'remembered' that one thing i liked about going to the vet's before was LEAVING. It was all clean when i went in and whatever they did to clean up after my visit was not my problem. I DO have issues about chemicals and such. This vet will do vaccinations etc., even small surgeries at my house which sounds ok cause then i don't have to be around sick animals but will he put his used syringe on my carpet? Will he open the front door after using a syringe without washing his hands? When he comes, will he have clean hands or will he have just finished disecting some other animal's poop and then come calling at my house?
He says all he needs is a table and a sink (laundry is ok.) But my laundry sink is 'dirty' even tho it's been cleaned. I wanted Bruce to get rid of it long ago and put a clean sink in, one that actually looks clean when it is cleaned. One that won't leak rust on the floor. Another expense.
It would be a great ERP exposure, or it would make me go nuts. Problem is I won't know which until I do it, but that will be too late. Should i just play it safe and find a vet to go to? It would be nice tho, to not have to pick up dog poop and put it in my car and bring it to the vet. This way i could just leave it outside and the vet could pick it up on his way to the car. Any suggestions?
Tuesday, April 10, 2012
Rainy day. Great for wearing contaminated coats...Hey, maybe i should have just stood outside while it was pouring and gotten a free coat wash! ... Oh well, too late now.
I wish I could say that I just put on my coat without remembering it was contaminated, walked out the door and into the van without a second thought. But I can't. I silently noted that the door handle 'might' now be needing a wash as well as the mail I touched.
Somewhere between my house and home depot everything got magically uncontaminated though. I think I helped it along the way by deliberately sticking my finger in my mouth. I wouldn't do that if I REALLY believed there was something stuck to my coat. Then I actually LOOKED closely at my purple coat. Nope, nothing dirty on it and invisible contaminated dirt just doesn't count anymore. So that meant that when I got home I did not have to wash my hands (altho, I admit, I thought about it but knew that if I did that, I would be back where I started.) I just grabbed some nuts and had a snack.
And the mail is clean, the door handle is clean and so is the van. The coat ('can I wash it NOW?' wails ocd) is clean but there's a good chance that I will have a bit of a hesitation the next time I want to wear it.
And when I finally do get to wash it, ( winter time ) there will be a quiet sight of relief from ocd that I obeyed at last. And I will let it think so, even though I know that I always wash seasonal coats before they get put away.
Thanks, Sunny & Tina for giving me a little push in the right direction this week!
I wish I could say that I just put on my coat without remembering it was contaminated, walked out the door and into the van without a second thought. But I can't. I silently noted that the door handle 'might' now be needing a wash as well as the mail I touched.
Somewhere between my house and home depot everything got magically uncontaminated though. I think I helped it along the way by deliberately sticking my finger in my mouth. I wouldn't do that if I REALLY believed there was something stuck to my coat. Then I actually LOOKED closely at my purple coat. Nope, nothing dirty on it and invisible contaminated dirt just doesn't count anymore. So that meant that when I got home I did not have to wash my hands (altho, I admit, I thought about it but knew that if I did that, I would be back where I started.) I just grabbed some nuts and had a snack.
And the mail is clean, the door handle is clean and so is the van. The coat ('can I wash it NOW?' wails ocd) is clean but there's a good chance that I will have a bit of a hesitation the next time I want to wear it.
And when I finally do get to wash it, ( winter time ) there will be a quiet sight of relief from ocd that I obeyed at last. And I will let it think so, even though I know that I always wash seasonal coats before they get put away.
Thanks, Sunny & Tina for giving me a little push in the right direction this week!
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