OCD Goal For the Day

I went to my first official Toastmaster's meeting Wed. night.  I was a LOT more nervous and anxious than I thot I'd be.  After all, I'd been there as a guest 3 or 4 times.  I'd even participated at those times and found it not too bad.

But this was 'official'.  Now I was one of the group.  I don't know why or how I manage to make these things so stressful to me!!!  We had to give a one minute speech about 'new' and besides not remembering a word the 3 people ahead of me said (which was awkward as we then had to rate the best topic speakers), I only managed 20 seconds - yes they time it too! 

The sane part of me says that now I have a base point from which I can measure my improvements and that as humans the learning curve is not all fun and games.  The irrational side is just wondering why I want to do such a thing in the first place! That since I'm only a few years from 50 and am NOT planning to lead any companies or churches, the probablity that someone will come to my house and ask me to give a speech is rather remote!  But Karin just can't let it be.  She's a twit that for some reason  decides to do awful things  -and even PAYS people for the privilage of doing these things instead of just enjoying life within the pages of her books.

 (See what I have to deal with??!)

They- the writer of the agenda for next meeting wanted me to give my first speech at the next meeting.  I managed to volunteer to give the 'word of the day' instead, where rather than making up a speech about my life, I only have to find a really cool word and give the definitions. Something I can handle... except the perfectionist part of me which is already wondering which word would be 'perfect' for the evening.  Which word is going to 'wow' them all.

I think this club will be good for me for more than I origionally thot it would!

Now for the topic of the day:  ERP

Thot Record that will hopefully calm me down.

Note;  Bruce phoned my dad to see when their last mouse episode was and according to Bruce it was a while ago.  I felt better for a few minutes. Then the 'reassurance' thing hit.  Maybe I should call my dad and hear it again?  I didn't want to call myself in case he tells me all sorts of info that will just rev up my already freaked out mind.  I figured Bruce could give me the watered- down version- just the facts.  I am NOT going to call my dad myself, or Bruce for that matter for reassurance... BUT I REALLY REALLY WANT TO!

Situation:   My dad sent me some dvds he made so I can watch them.  I think he also wants feedback,
                  so I can't just throw them away.  Also sent me a card which is now on the table under
                  some pokemon cards and headphones.  So I can't touch that stuff either.  The disks fell off the couch onto the floor where they have now contaminated a book from a Goodreads giveaway that I am supposed to read and review.  At first when I got the package I was OK with it.  OCD hit in about 5 min. later, after the stuff was already on the couch and table.

Mood:  96%  anxiety and fear

Automatic thots:  MICE  (what else!)  Dad had mentioned they'd had mice in our last phone
                   conversation, but didn't mention exactly WHEN, so was it a week ago??  What if he
                   cleaned up the mouse stuff and didn't SHOWER after wards, but ONLY washed his
                   hands??  Am I contamination my house/ stuff?

Rational thots:  I guess washing hands after cleaning up mouse stuff is probably sufficient.  (notice
                   how little i agree with that statement :).  Bruce said it happened a while ago and anyway
                   none of it happened near the dvd recorder.  Dad also opened a new cylinder of disks to do
                   this with too.  I bet Fantine (of Les Mis) never worried about mice- she had bigger
                   worries than that!

Mood now:  anxiety  86%  but i will do it anyway.

Please, someone, save me from this illness!!!