I was visiting Tina's site tonight and she had a picture of a Trixie Beldon book. That got me thinking about how much I used to love the church rummage sales. Even our mall had non-profit organizations setting up their craft/ rummage tables once or twice a year. I loved to hunt thru the book piles for that next great read- another Nancy Drew, Donna Parker books, The Sound Of Music (who knew that that was even a book!) I loved Sound of Music. I reread that so many times, I don't need the book anymore to remember scenes!
Second hand book stores were also great places to hang out- until OCD hit. I couldn't even go to the library without worrying I was contaminating their book and I didn't want to bring them home in case they contaminated my house. Even starting a book didn't guarantee I'd be able to finish it. If I couldn't bear to touch the book anymore, it went back - after being cleaned, but that cleaning didn't didn't satisfy me. I never told the librarians that I contaminated their books. After awhile I just stopped going.
The librarians knew I had a small baby, so probably didn't think much of the fact that I wasn't rummaging around in one department or another.
I worked very hard to get back the ability to use the library. I remember sitting in the library already feeling contaminated but continued reading until the contamination feeling went away. It took about a half an hour. I am soooo happy I can use the library again.
Unfortunately I can't say the same thing about used book stores. Brown marks and other old smells attached to the books now remind me, not of generations past enjoying the book, but of mold and mildew. Since I don't know where the books came from, who is to say they didn't come from an old mouse-filled attic or a hoarder's house, again full of mold or mice.
But I love the memories I have of browsing thru books, looking for either a great read or a book I've already read that I want to add to my personal library of books.
I hope that one day I will feel ok about going into a used book store again. Even at Value Village, our local used items store, I can buy clothes- had to work hard to get that back but not adult books. I have decided that I CAN buy children's books that aren't too old. Popular books that have been written in the last 10 or so years. Books I can tell were donated as the child got too old for them, not as a result of a cleaning raid on someone's house.
I won't even take back the box of 'my' books sitting in my parent's attic- in case they were touched by mice.
I remember reading Donna Parker too! Gosh, so many memories in those old books. I love the library, too. My problems with books isn't with contamination but with reading itself. When reading OCD is active, I feel like I have to read every page over and over, and I just avoid reading.
ReplyDeleteI never had that kind of reading problem, or if I did, I was daydreaming anyway, so would have attributed it to the daydreaming.
DeleteI can't imagine not being able to buy stuff at used bookstores/sales. I love those things. Glad you're able to use the library again, at least.
ReplyDeleteif you knew a book you wanted was out of someone's attic, and also knew they had mice ( or evidence of mice at least) what do you tell yourself, to be able to buy the book?
Deleteps. don't ever tell me which books you loan to me came from used book sales!
I'm there with you. I can't buy used books either. I definitely couldn't buy used clothes. I had a hard time with just buying a piece of furniture that was sitting out on display at the furniture store.
ReplyDeleteFunny, I just spent about an hour at Barnes & Noble just browsing. Well, ok, I did end up buying like 5 items, but 2 of them were gifts, really!!
ah, see, used clothes I can wash before 'really' wearing them. Used books can't really be washed, except for the covers. I wash used furniture that we get too, or at least windex it off. Before I knew I had ocd, I told myself it was so ' it feels like mine because all the other person's dirt/ smoke/ etc. is off it. This could even be the same furniture I used at the person's house the week before! That's why it made no sense, having to wash it (yard sale was easier for me to get WHY I needed to do it) before I could put it in my house. Once I had the ocd diagnosis, I understood this strange habit of mine!
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